I understand your frustration, but I do agree w/Kerry that having J3B around is a good thing for you. He has succeeded where many of us couldn't.
Concerning your H, I'd like to throw out something, but PLEASE don't think I'm making excuses for him or allowing his behavior to be tolerated....
...concerning his work, it has and seems to still be his safety net, so I'm not shocked that he's running back to work right now. He's uncomfortable with what is going on and probably scared b/c it is weird and new for him....so his diving back into work may not be as surprising at all and may not be about his feelings for you, but rather his ingrained coping mechanism for handling stress and the unknown.
Again, I think he needs to step up, I think you need to put what you said to us and give it directly to him and I think he's dropping the ball a bit. I also think his "work over Maria" tendency must be addressed.
I just want you to think about the possibility that this is his "man cave" where he can retreat and regroup. It sounds like it is his coping mechanism to me.
