My stbxh reisgned today. His resignation wasnt accepted at this point. But I think even if he stays, he will be miserable. His plans are ammbitious, not anything crazy, but working on something he hasnt done before that would involve a lot of personal work, travelling and going out alot. Something of his own. And sadly, her "expertise" (BJs) match perfectly his new plans... Which makes me feel like I am the worng person to be with at this phase. I know, pathetic. Just a little window in my thoughts for you guys.
I asked him if he would come to the funeral with me. It's 3,5 hours away, (Kalamata!!). He said "well, let me see how work goes and yes, maybe I could". WRONG answer!
Later I told him I am staying home because my mom and brother are going and I need to baby/dadsit. I said he could come over if he finishes early. He said "we talked about going out with the guys", I said "fine, talk to you tomorrow then". I got a message saying "I will come over later". OK...
Right now, I again feel I have to shut up to make room in his head for business. I recognise it is a big step for him. Bigger than any he ever took before. Timing sucks.
Something is missing. And it's not her. I think his love is gone. As a result, my love is not coming back. Maybe I am wrong. We'll see.
Jack, it's good to know things can get better than before. And it's the only way things can work out. I would never want the same M I had. That's not what my goal was from the beginning. K
And sadly, her "expertise" (BJs) match perfectly his new plans...
I dont understand this.
It is good to see J3B posting to you. He is one of the few to have succeeded at saving his marriage. He is a good man despite spending too much time in the paint locker on board ship.
I understand your frustration, but I do agree w/Kerry that having J3B around is a good thing for you. He has succeeded where many of us couldn't.
Concerning your H, I'd like to throw out something, but PLEASE don't think I'm making excuses for him or allowing his behavior to be tolerated....
...concerning his work, it has and seems to still be his safety net, so I'm not shocked that he's running back to work right now. He's uncomfortable with what is going on and probably scared b/c it is weird and new for him....so his diving back into work may not be as surprising at all and may not be about his feelings for you, but rather his ingrained coping mechanism for handling stress and the unknown.
Again, I think he needs to step up, I think you need to put what you said to us and give it directly to him and I think he's dropping the ball a bit. I also think his "work over Maria" tendency must be addressed.
I just want you to think about the possibility that this is his "man cave" where he can retreat and regroup. It sounds like it is his coping mechanism to me.
Anyone who has improved themselves is a success here. I got lucky with timing on my marriage, I'll be the first to say that.
I TOTALLY agree with Kat however.
To love someone is to put everything you cherish in their care, hopefully to protect, but easily enough to destroy. To do that again with someone who has proven their capability to destroy that takes some balls. It takes courage, no matter how many times you tell yourself that you will ok if they do.
You have to be courageous to allow yourself to be vulnerable.
I am not saying you are not courageous Kalni, I am saying I understand the fear.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I didn't get that part of your post either...