OK so keeping with the sports theme. It's halftime and you need to look at the score, regroup and figure out what you need to make adjustments on.
Go thru a checklist:
180s
GAL (& GAL w/kids)
Loving Detachment
Acting As If
Mystery
Ownership of issues
Goals
Boundaries
Health - spiritual, emotional, physical and intellectually
What's working, what's not? Try something different (onsides kick to start second half???)
When you look back on this year what will make you proud?
What will you do so that you can look in the mirror and say I handled this like a true warrior with strength and honor?
How will you be your best?
Look at all the choices you have. What a opportunity to lead.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Quick update. Been away for a day or so from the boards. I think I needed the break and it gave me time to think.
Had a discussion with W on a couple of issues - not a R talk - but a discussion to understand some of her feelings. The result of that discussion is that W has now agreed to go to MC. I was shocked she agreed to this as she has steadfastly said she would not see a C or MC for the purposes of reconciliation. And while I'm pleased, I don't feel any differently about the prospects of things working out. Maybe they will, maybe they won't.
What I DO know is that W's decision to see a MC IS a change in the status quo. And, even as important, if not more so, MC cannot hurt - I'm already dead, so how can I be "deader" by engaging in MC.
Although I am pleased with these developments, I am a bit nervous when I consider what MC will entail. I suspect there is still a lot of pain, resentment and anger in both W and I that has not yet been uncovered. But, at least there is some emotion there. And, if we stand any chance of working through our issues, we have to get this stuff on the table, as painful as it may be.
And, while I am nervous, I AM NOT AFRAID anymore. I CAN HANDLE IT. And, I WILL.
Although I am pleased with these developments, I am a bit nervous when I consider what MC will entail. I suspect there is still a lot of pain, resentment and anger in both W and I that has not yet been uncovered. But, at least there is some emotion there. And, if we stand any chance of working through our issues, we have to get this stuff on the table, as painful as it may be.
GIMA, MC will involve pain, resentment and anger, however this is all part of the healing process. I have gone down this path and my W who said when she dropped the bomb that she would never love me again. Now, 3 months later and several sessions with an MC her tune has completely changed. This past weekend she kissed me for the first time, said she loved me and has said that if we work hard, we will be okay. I don't think we would have gotten to this place without getting to the deep routed problems that was difficult for each of us to talk about . But with the help of the MC, we were able to open up and deal with these things.
Good luck
Last edited by istillluvmywife; 11/05/0902:49 PM.
Me: 39 W: 34 S:6 M:11 years T: 13 Years B: 07/2009 Possibly BUSTED: 11/2009
Gima, Well, this is certainly good. I'm glad for you. Have you had an MC already lined up for this eventuality, or are you starting from scratch? There's a section in DR about selecting one, you know.
Originally Posted By: givingitmyall
What I DO know is that W's decision to see a MC IS a change in the status quo. And, even as important, if not more so, MC cannot hurt - I'm already dead, so how can I be "deader" by engaging in MC.
So, what your telling us is that it wont be Mr.& Mrs. Gima going into that MC ofice, but Mrs. Gima and Spiers, right?
Originally Posted By: givingitmyall
And, while I am nervous, I AM NOT AFRAID anymore. I CAN HANDLE IT. And, I WILL.
Yes, you can and you will. Great development.
Keep going.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Thanks for the picnic analogy on 2B's thread (www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads...rue#Post1868263). I'm posting the link so that others who haven't seen this can find it. The picnic analogy creates a very helpful mental image.
Good work on the steps forward!!!! No expectations is a good policy. It is SO hard to find a skilled pro-marriage couples therapist. Does your IC have some good names? Might you also check with the people who sponsor your local Retrovaille weekend for good MC references?
