I know it's only been a few months but I truly believe my wife will never come back to me. I believe she is too proud to ever admit she made a mistake. And too much blaming me for the problems to sit down and work on herself. She doesn't seem to be in any fog - she seems pretty happy and determined to keep her life course going.
I'm in that state of mind now and I still don't think there's an OM. There are friends who she is seeing, but no one serious. She's rapidly running out of money and telling the girls there'll have to be cutbacks.
But she remains as determined as ever, which is helping me build my own.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
I'm in that state of mind now and I still don't think there's an OM. There are friends who she is seeing, but no one serious. She's rapidly running out of money and telling the girls there'll have to be cutbacks.
But she remains as determined as ever, which is helping me build my own.
My sitch is different in that my W's parents are, or at least were, feeding her money. They purchased the house she is living in for example. Financially there is no incentive for her to do anything. Last I heard the OM was 'looking' for a job so my W was keeping him. That was a few weeks ago so things could be different now. I have kept my boundary of not snooping, looking or listening to any information about them.
It's sad that these people, or at least my W in this case, won't fight for us if that's what she decides she wants. She'd rather roll into a corner and ignore the world.
If I do have to go to LRT then I think it will be the best thing for me at least as I will finally be able to get on with my life. This is a very small town (around 10k) and we have a saying here that 'you can't fart here but they know about it in the next town before you can even smell it' (apologies if it puts anybody off their dinner) so anything I do will get back to her.
Moving on is the best thing I think I have done so far. It's really given me the confidence that I can get through this without my W.
Last edited by P17; 11/03/0908:52 PM.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
On the bright side, P, sometimes it can come around just as quickly.
Just treat her with civility and grace, and as much forgiveness as you can, as these will all come back and work in your stead should there be a reconciliation in your future.
On the bright side, P, sometimes it can come around just as quickly.
I hope so PDT, I really hope so. My gut tells me otherwise though. She is out-DBing me and possibly out-GALing me. Then again this isn't a competition. I'm happy with what I am doing.
Quote:
Just treat her with civility and grace, and as much forgiveness as you can, as these will all come back and work in your stead should there be a reconciliation in your future. Puppy
That's my plan. Even if there is no reconcilliation, treating somebody like this makes you feel better than treating somebody like they have just cheated on you!
Having a bad day today. W is coming over tonight to babysit her step-D, at least she said she would but that was last week. One text and one voicemail have gone without response so if she doesn't come I wouldn't be hugely surprised.
I spoke to the owner of the local garage yesterday (in to get my tyre changed) and told him that if my W did come in that the bills should go to her new address in future. He couldn't believe we had separated as we were always so happy together. I had a bit of a rant with him about the situation and left.
He is not the first person to say that. I haven't yet spoke to anybody who saw it coming. I have heard through the grapevine that a few people said they did see it coming but I've not yet actually heard as to why they thought that.
It got me thinking again though. We were so happy. I mean blissfully happy. For 6 years of the 7 we were deeply in love. The last year wasn't great but it wasn't the worst year of my life. Again, reiterating old ground I just find it so difficult to understand how we got to where we were to where we are now so quickly, with so little love and with so much anger and hatred.
As I said in one of my posts above. 4 months ago yesterday we were making love and trying for a baby.
Even though this is a bad day, they are no where near as bad as they were. I just accept the situation rather than trying to figure it out as there are probably no answers. The situation is what it is.
Last edited by P17; 11/04/0910:39 AM.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
Just another quick update that bothers me. As I said before, this isn't a great day as W is coming around tonight.
Anyway, going through some baskets here I discovered our wedding cake, or at least what was left of it. I'm not sure of the tradition in other parts of the world, but here we keep a part of the wedding cake and celebrate with it on the birth / christening of your first child. My W left this behind which is really upsetting.
It either means she will be coming back and so therefore doesn't need to take it, or as my gut thinks that part of her life is over now and she won't need it.
She did however try and take our wedding album (which I took back) and one of our (wall) wedding pictures before she left so I'm not sure why she would want to take our wedding pictures, the wedding album but not the cake. I'd imagine you'd either take all of it or none of it.
Trying again to just accept it for what it is but difficult with this one.
One small victory. I was at a friends which is directly across from her house. As I drove away I didn't look in her driveway for the OM's car as I had been having thoughts that maybe jhe had gone (I know I know, silly). Was able to control myself enough not to look. Felt good.
One other thing I have decided to do - wear my wedding ring again. This time on my middle finger and not my wedding finger.
Last edited by P17; 11/04/0901:44 PM.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
It got me thinking again though. We were so happy. I mean blissfully happy. For 6 years of the 7 we were deeply in love. The last year wasn't great but it wasn't the worst year of my life. Again, reiterating old ground I just find it so difficult to understand how we got to where we were to where we are now so quickly, with so little love and with so much anger and hatred.
P,
The introduction of a third person can do that. It's more physiological (brain endorphines) than emotional, and CERTAINLY more than logical. In other words, whereas perhaps your wife wasn't quite as "blisfully happy" as you thought she was (DAM-ness), she's almost CERTAINLY not as UNhappy/UNinlove as she exhibits right now.
