I need to read more of your posts. You see, I was your husband. I can completly relate. I'm sure my W thought our sex life was fine, but it wasn't. There was never any trust after the swinging.
I am so very sad that this is happening. I just can't imagine life without my W. I try and sometimes I can see it. I go out, I GAL and I usually end up thinking, I can do this...I can be single. I'll have no problems. The problem is the little things, and there are a lot of them. Memories like how we got our christmas tree, our many thanksgivings in our old house, the dreams of a new start in our new house, etc... Those things come back and I just can't see myself with another person, feeling the way I do for my W. But she says those feelings are gone, no more chances, I knew the risks and I took them anyway.
I've gone to counseling and have been in it for a while. I am making good progress and my W has agreed to go with me, but only to learn to rebuild trust and communication for the benefit of the kids, she still wants to divorce. If we rebuild trust and communication, isn't that the goal of a married couple?
I have counseling by myself tomorrow. Then we have our first joint session Thursday. She choose my counselor, a guy we saw for marriage counseling before...I thought that was odd, that she wanted to see him, but it also gives me hope that there is something there to save.
She hasn't mentioned divorce in a week and she keeps forgetting to drop off my financial papers. She says we are filing by the end of this week.
I just want another chance, but how many last chances can one person get? I've had three. This would be 4. Actions speak louder than words. I need to show change through my actions, not just by promising that I will change.
I wish we hadn't gotten into swinging at all. It was a HUGE mistake and not at all worth the cost of my mariage and family. It was fun, and it was almost surreal, but not worth it.
I wish you luck and will look for your posts to understand your situation better as well.
