I don't think it's pressure, once you get to the point that you are ready to set that kind of boundary. Of course, you have to also be ready to accept the consequences.
Pressure, in my mind, is more covert. Little comments, having a friend talk to her, talking about how it will affect the kids. All trying to het her to act a certain way. Setting a boundary recognizes that you can't control how she acts, that she is free in that regard. But that you can control your reaction to it.
The point, in my mind, is that when you are really "getting it", you are not DBing to try to get a certain reaction out of your spouse, you are DBing to grow yourself. As long as you are looking for a reaction you haven't detached.
My W lived in a different room forever... two years, maybe more. If I didn't do something, she would have lived there forever. I finally got to the point where that just wasn't acceptable.
OK Jeff, I'm with you. So how long did it take you to get to the point of not taking it anymore? Just curious - I know each sitch is different as far as a timetable is concerend. No way I think you can say in X months, I'm done.
Also, how did you know you were ready to accept the consequences?
