New trend that I hope does not continue. The past two nights, I have been awakened at 3-4:00 am by nightmares of W with other men. I have been able to repress conscious thoughts of this to a large extent but I guess these dreams show that I cannot keep this inside forever. Saw my therapist yesterday and they can't believe that W and I are not discussing this. I just told the therapist that I didn't feel like pushing her on anything right now. My therapist knows that I confronted W about A and said that that W may be more afraid than me right now. Very hard for me to believe that based on her very unemotional attitude right now.
Really making an effort on further weight loss. I am very ahtletic during the warm months but tend to gain weight in the winter once I can't get outside as much. Joined a local gym last week and they are hooking me up with a personal trainer to help monitor progress on my goals. Might try some kickboxing and yoga classes too. I really want to start GAL but I don't have any close friends here and it seems so hard to start when you are depressed and sleep deprived. Therapist says that I have to start scheduling time to worry about the R and just stay focused on my other goals the rest of the time. She is right, my ruminating is keeping me locked in a negative cycle that has to stop.
I just miss being close with my W so much and feel so betrayed, rejected and unloved right now. I know everyone here has felt this but it is so hard when the one person you are supposed to be able to count on no matter what abandons you.
I appreciate all of the advice I have received so far and am really trying to make progress. One thing that makes me hopeful is that i am a persistant guy and won't stop trying to get to a better HBH
