Not Me...Ever part 2

[The Wifey]

And yeah, even in the week or so I've been here, seeing new people come in every day makes me feel like an emotional trauma surgeon.

Yes. I've only been on a few weeks more than you and I feel like a veteran. It's interesting watching people evolve the way I've had to ... and then read the threads that have been going on for three years and realize I still have a ways to go.

CTH - it is a marathon and not a sprint. Sad you have to be here but it really is the best place in this sitch.

BTW - I'm at 1 1/2 years.

[The Wifey]

Puppy - Do you have any tricks besides the "stop sign"?

Hey Serenity, I used to keep a thick rubber band on my wrist and snap it when I couldn't stop the mind movies.

[The Wifey]

Knowing me and I think I know me pretty well, this is very shocking to me - Normally I am angry first and foremost then the other emotions eventually find their way in...

My anger has helped me survive some pretty crappy things during the course of my life and to not have it is unsettling to me...

My psychiatrist was so worried when this started because she knows all about the anger I harbor that she doubled all of my meds for the first few months...Now I am tapered back to the normal dose and still no anger...

I don't even "hate" the OW. I feel sorry for her but other then that, she is not on my radar as far as feelings go...

Hmmm...Maybe this means I am an adult now lol

Doubt it but it sounded good.

Serenity,

I happen to be in the camp that says anger isn't always the saving grace. I had a choice to be angry or not. I didn't want anger and bitterness to be a part of my life. I would rather concentrate on building the good and positive in my life. Anger is a little like taking poison and thinking your enemy will die.

The times I have gotten angry always ended badly. I would rather go in the bedroom and have a good cry to get something out of my system.

[Serenity13]

Good morning all ~

All I can say is wow...

I really expected to come here today and get a bunch of 2x4's but instead found love and support so I thank you all very much...

I am a better today for the most part...

I went home and hung out with my boys then watched the game when the little one went to bed...

I tried to get some good sleep however my mind wanted to play the conversation over and over again and different responses I could have given besides the ones I gave (Wifey, thank you for the rubberband idea, I will try that as of today)...

Hindsight is a b***h.

I am not proud of some of the things I said regarding the OW, I am not proud I threatened her, I am not proud of calling my H a bad father who is so selfish he can't see past the nose on his face (yes Gardener what I said is true, he has not seen our youngest son even one time since the day he walked out)...

I was so hurt last night he twisted the Bible to justify his actions and then threw it in my face...

I was pissed he is trying to take from our sons to finance his life over there...

I contacted 2 separate lawyers today, not to file however to speed up the child support process because I will not degrade myself by asking him for money every 2 weeks and then having to say what it is for etc (I am now waiting for one of them to contact me back)...

SD ~ He is moving his banking there so opening a new account, there is no legal seperation in our state though so I can't take that road.

Trent ~ Thank you for the links, I will listen to them this evening after I get off work...

So there you have it, I reacted on emotion yesterday and it got us nowhere...

I still think he is nothing but a liar and couldn't tell the truth if his life depended on it...

I see he is still lost in the fog...

I feel sorry for him as well...

The statement that he made "I haven't filed because I don't have the money" was very painful for me to hear and I really don't know if I should believe that or not...

I honestly at this point in time don't know what to believe in anymore.

Today I am calmer though still reeling from that first conversation however I am still moving forward, I will not allow this to set me back to the person I was a couple of months ago.

[Gardener]

Serenity,

Today I am calmer though still reeling from that first conversation however I am still moving forward, I will not allow this to set me back to the person I was a couple of months ago.

Glad to see you're feeling somewhat better and really glad you just chilled with your boys last night.

I've heard about the wrist rubber band technique, but what's this?

Puppy - Do you have any tricks besides the "stop sign"?

[Serenity13]

Hi Gardener...

I was once told to imagine a "stop sign" when the mind movies started playing however it just didn't work for me no matter how hard I tried.

I would put the sign in my head and say stop over and over however my thoughts would run right past that sign, kinda like my driving lol

[Gardener]

Serenity,
Interesting how people have different perception tendencies: some retain, perceive, process information more tactilely, some visually, some more aurally.
When it happens in my head, it's never movies.
But will someone please shut off the soundtrack!

[Serenity13]

LOL...

I am glad I don't have the soundtrack to go with the movie - The visuals I have are bad enough...

Though I will say (if my H is to be believed) my "perception" of how the other life is going with the OW (you know, her waiting for him to get home with a nice homecooked meal on the table, her then cleaning up and they going to bed to have mind-blowing sex for hours at a time) is wayyyy different then what he tells me...

I have a very active imagination

[orangedog]

PDoc told the Dog to stay busy. He wasn't surprised at all that I didn't mood track for a good portion of the summer. There was a lot going on and not much time to ruminate over the bad things.

It's tougher now in the fall with fewer opportunities to play. He was insistent that the Dog write a journal, work on feelings and such, but at a certain time CLOSE THE BOOK and move on to an activity. Let feelings have their time and place but don't let them take over the entire day.

Easier said than done but the Dog will work on this.

[TrentC]

I have a very active imagination

There was one time that I got a very vivid mental image of my wife with another man in particular.

I've been able to keep most of those away; I have a competing mental image that I meditate on when I start to slip, though.