BillM's new thread

[The Wifey]

During the time that she is still living at home, you will start going out most evenings, you will dress up, get the hair done, put on the cologne, the whole bit and you will make it look like you're going out on dates. If you can go out on real dates, great even better - you need the boost to your confidence, but if you can't, just fake it and stay out late and when you come home if she is still up, you make sure you have a big smile on your face and you go to your room and close the door behind you, lock it if you can.

Man, Rob, you were on a roll to this point. Boxes, the words you chose, all great, I was nearly doing the wave for you! But then you lost me here:

You start texting someone, even yourself if you have to, start spending time on your computer, emailing someone, if you have to, setup a fake gmail account, setup a fake user profile on facebook and start a few messages back & forth, when setting up the fake user profile on fb or myspace, find a pic of girl that is just as attractive as your wife, go on a dating website, you'll find plenty of pics on there, just make sure it's someone your wife doesn't know, pick someone from out of state.

Fake gmail, fake text, fake emails, fake girls on a dating web site? FAKE, FAKE, FAKE, FAKE, FAKE, all Fake. Bill is a good and decent man. HE doesn't need to play games to have all of these be real, real, real - but only if he is ready for those things. What's the point in being that phony if he is already showing her the door?

Is it to hurt his W? To make her freak out? To make her say to herself oh my, I really want my H after all?

Getting a life, 180's, self-respect, standing up for yourself, setting boundaries, no more wussy doormat behaviors, you will now become the walk away spouse - you are no longer the left behind spouse - the dynamic will change, watch as the days & weeks go by - you have changed the direction of this relationship and even if nothing changes with your wife, you have now taken control of your life and can move on. I suggest dating for real regardless of the opinions against it.

Again, right on, all of this is good.

Crisis is what changes people, it's what forces people to act, without that impetus, people usually don't change, they have no real reason to have to change without a crisis.

Big questions here - Crisis is what changes people? Is this a crisis to change his W or Bill?

Do it.

No excuses and no explanations why you can't do this or that.

Just do it.

Excuses don't explain and explanations don't excuse.

You've taken back your life, enjoy it, feels pretty good to be your own boss again without worrying about what someone else might do or how they treat you.

Right on. You figure out what you want, you set your chin and get through the worst of it, and you go after it.

I have to read to get caught up, but I had to address the FAKE parts. Bill deserves better than just having to fake it.