New Post for Wifey

[The Wifey]

I had an interesting, yet somewhat painful exchange with my H yesterday. As I put above, we've had some wonderful, fun, peaceful times the past several weekend. I guess it was a little too nice. I had a very curt email from him yesterday that basically said he felt pushed, feels he has demonstrated that he thinks of me as family and that he knows I want more.

OK, now I have been just being in the moment. I've enjoyed myself, and acted like I would with a friend (other than the nap.) So, I sat down and really gave the weekends some thought. No, I thought, that might be how he feels but it is not my reality and he can frame it for himself but not for me.

I am posting an email that I already sent him. If you want to comment you can, but I am completely comfortable with what I put in it and I don't think I would have changed a thing.

"Dear H,

There are no guarantees. There never were. When you said it would take years to rebuild you were right. It will take the rest of our lives to get it right.

I want you to understand, very clearly, that I won't push because I don't want anything from you that has to be pushed. Neither of us has to do anything we don't want to do. You are free to choose what you do or don't want at any time. I can and will do the same.

Maybe I shouldn't be so transparent with my feelings, but that is how I am. And if we are ever to have a future then you have to accept me as I am, or not. I will not be someone I am not. It has been a long journey to know who I am, what I believe, what my values are, and what I want in life.

With me, what you see is what you get. And in return, I see and accept you as you are. I don't expect or ask you to change. I like and yes, love, who you are without any need to change. If it makes you uncomfortable to be loved that much I can not help you.

I expect no reply. I just could not sleep last night and put this on paper.

I love you,

Wifey"

This letter set me free from some pain I had to deal with while trying to sleep. He IS free to make his choices. I AM free to make mine.

I know what I want. I want to be in a balanced relationship with emotional honesty, independence, openly-shown affection, and a caring partnership. And quite frankly, its been a year and a half without any lovemaking and darn it I want that too - and I am not ashamed to say so.

I can only grow me. He has to take care of himself, however he sees fit. I will have what I want. I hope and pray it will be with him.