Sad To Be Back 4 Years After The Bust

[TrentC]

Yes, Steve she has signed a lease for December 1st. And yes, she said she doesn't want me to know where it is. Our kids will visit there, so obviously they will know. I am fully aware that all of that reeks of her having an affair. Just because she doesn't want me to know where it is, it doesn't mean I won't. It also doesn't mean I won't have people watching who comes and goes from that apartment. I'm not an idiot.

But, I am also leaving open the possibility that she doesn't want me to know, because she thinks I will stalk her. That would be in line with things I have done in the past. I'm not buying into her bull**** here. None of you know what I have done before - and if you did, you would see that it's possible.

Honestly? This is just my uninformed opinion, but I think that's exactly what you're doing.

You've said you're going to have people keeping an eye on her (which may or may not meet the legal definition of stalking) even though she is making an effort to stay away from you -- to the point where she won't tell you where she's moving.

You are still trying to control her.

There may be others that disagree, that say you have a right to know if she's having an affair. They're not wrong; but the way you are going about it is not healthy and is just further validating her feelings about you and the R.

You think she's having an affair? Fine, assume that possibility in your mind so you can be prepared for if and when she drops that bomb on you. Be prepared to forgive her -- or, as you say, if it "changes everything", get ready to file.

You need to let her live her life right now. Sure, she's destroying your marriage and likely to be cheating on you. But those are her decisions, and she will have learn to live with the consequences.