OK, one more thing: analysis can be as bad when things are right as it is when things are wrong. I still have a hard time not saying something like, "so, what happened tonight?" when she initiates lovemaking. It makes me want to know what went right. What did I do? What was different tonight? I just want to do it all again!
But it drove her crazy. She wanted me to "just be happy that it happened." Partly, that's the blase attitude of someone who still doesn't understand that the fact that she just initiated lovemaking is a Big Deal. But it also highlighted a difference in the way we thought. She thought sex should "just happen." And since it wasn't spontaneously "just happening" between us, that meant that it was meant to be over and we should move on to other things. I saw it very differently, of course.
One difference that's really interesting to me is your reaction to anti-depressants. Those meds are a recurring element here, but usually they're mentioned because they exacerbated someone's low-desire condition. That was certainly the case with my wife. I can imagine your husband's reaction in his mind, though: "You mean I don't want to have sex, and that's a problem, but now you don't want to have sex either, and that's still a problem? If neither of us wants to do it, what's the problem?!?"
Have you talked to him about sexual issues lately? What's his take?
