Yes, Steve she has signed a lease for December 1st. And yes, she said she doesn't want me to know where it is. Our kids will visit there, so obviously they will know. I am fully aware that all of that reeks of her having an affair. Just because she doesn't want me to know where it is, it doesn't mean I won't. It also doesn't mean I won't have people watching who comes and goes from that apartment. I'm not an idiot.
But, I am also leaving open the possibility that she doesn't want me to know, because she thinks I will stalk her. That would be in line with things I have done in the past. I'm not buying into her bull**** here. None of you know what I have done before - and if you did, you would see that it's possible. She may simply want to feel like she truly is away from me and has time to heal. Or she could be setting up an amazing love nest. Right now, it's not the most important thing to me. As I have told her, if there is someone else, that changes everything. And it will.
I told you about the night, my wife refers to as "sexual assault", but that was only the final one in a series of such actions that would demean any woman - and because I didn't want to be too graphic here, I don't think I explained just how long it lasted, and how far I went. As for how she can still sleep naked beside me, I think it's because she knows I wouldn't do it again and lose any chance at saving our marriage, and her turning nasty etc. Also, as I have said before, in her mind, she is already gone. We are just two people lying there.
Or....she's setting up an amazing love nest for her and some OM. I am 100% aware and prepared for the possibility.
Right now, it's not my main focus. I am almost at the point of forgiving myself for all the nasty things. I am also starting to do a much better job of GAL. I attended a divorce support group for the first time last night. It went much better than I thought it would be. Other things, that are not related to my marriage will be part of my GAL. I have made plans with a friend from work for this Saturday - which is our anniversary. I am going to go out, have fun and not be at home having a pity party for me.
I am seriously working on de-taching and focusing on me. I have a new sense of calm for longer periods of the day than anytime since I returned to this site.
I finally feel real progress in the last couple of days and I am even feeling a little proud of me!
