thanks guys. We'll get to MC, but not now. After the papers are signed. Apparentely, I realized last night, H only agreed to go this one time and to discuss possibly taking S out of the house (we're not talking after a D, we're talking now while we're in limbo. I realized I'm more interested in postponing that discussion, because I'm happiest having H come here to be with S.
All the stuff BJ says about MC can only come when he's committed to MC for a while. If. I'm just laying low now because I don't know.
I will try to not be distrustful and give him the benefit of the doubt.
However, he is very poed at me right now. did I mentioned I spilled a smoothie in the living room and some got in his stereo receiver? He's cleaning it out and it may survive but he is furious at me and has been cold and distant ever since. It's another mistake that proves to him how unreliable, flakey, untrustworthy I am - in his mind. He even posted on twitter about how he's cleaning bluberries out of his receiver - and ended with "Don't ask..." which of course is an invitation to ask and he knows I will read that. I don't appreciate the public humiliation but I will say absolutely nothing. It's not worth losing my inner peace over.
However, I do get a sense of panic. This just instantly killed the goodwill between us. It's another instance of me feeling like "I f***ed it all up again."
On a more positive note, I texted H today saying I'd be happy to stay home tonight if H wanted to go to his apt after putting S to bed, or I'd be happy to stay elsewhere. H actually said he'd be home and didn't mind if I was too. I couldn't believe it.
so I'm in the back room, he's in the living room presumably cleaning his stereo and working and whatever. But he didn't ask me to leave. For what it's worth.
