My H had his first conversation with Dottie tonite and really liked her. I am glad. I will tell you that I am getting very ambivelent about this whole thing. I will talk with Dottie and my H together, but I am making no guarantees that I will get through this. I have really given it a lot of thought and where I am today is really different than where I was even just a month ago. I have lost all of my fears about life. I am no longer afraid to die, or afraid of losing my H, or even afraid of losing a child. I have learned that you can not hold onto anything. There is no assurance that anything in life is sacred, permanent or predictable. Life just goes on no matter what you think about it. There is no importance to anything or really nothing to ever hold onto. Maybe time will help, but I don't see how I will ever get to a great, loving relationship with my H ever again. I gave him the gift of myself and he threw it away for someone else. Most days this is how I feel. some days I want to put it all behind me and be happy that I have my H back. But then I think, who am I kidding? This is not my H. but rather a cheating man who threw away a family, a life and something so special between us for someone else, why am I fighting for this except for my kids? Now he sees that and wants back what he had and I am just supposed to accept that and move on????? Maybe my work here is done.
