Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Great ending to a great day. Have you ever seen "Definitely, Maybe?" It's about a divorcing father telling his daughter a mystery/love story about the three women in his life and she had to figure out which one was his home.

He's moving into his apartment. She listens to the story and there's this part where she's watching her parents talk a few feet away. She's so hoping for some sign that it's not over ... and it's just not there.

It's so freaking sad and so true in how D hits kids.

I resemble the lead actor and my W, if you changed her hair to blond, would look a lot like the lead actress.

The movie has a happy ending. He ends up with his "true" love and his daughter helps him find her.

I love Hollywood. I hope the last part is what's in store for me. But so much of this movie just punches me in the stomach.

I know, I know. Hit me with the 2-by-4.

I played basketball tonight for the first time since the hernia surgery. Did OK. Didn't hurt myself and for that one hour I didn't think about my life at all.

After, of course, all I've thought about today is my sitch. I don't know how to thought stop.

I know women are supposed to be the emotional ones. But it just seems like a lot is crashing on me right now.

* I had my girls for four straight days and it felt so normal.

* I learned about a possible OM on Friday.

* Saturday I learn W is going out with the maid of honor from our wedding who is a friend of mine. I hope somehow that's a possible baby step for me.

* Sunday W calls sounding a little vulnerable and instead of exploring it and perhaps letting her talk, I was cold, abrupt.

* Then an email today from W talking about scheduling stuff -- and about a list of lawyers and checking on retirement stuff for D -- and the worry about next weekend and finding something to do.

What I was thinking about in the car is exactly how this DB stuff is supposed to work for the WAS. How does someone so set on leaving make that turnaround back to the LBS? I've read the success stories and I'm going to buy "I Do Again" for that little bit of hope to cling to.