Thanks TrentC, All good advice. BTW, we are currently in counseling. For her, MC is very uncomfortable and she is usually her most negative and ambivalent when we are there. For me it is the only time I have to talk (MC forbade R talk outside of counseling sessions).
Outside of counseling, she does not seem to be making any effort other than to be polite to me. She says evidence of her effort is that she is still here. Sometimes I wonder though if she is just biding her time until she can plan her escape, and so she can say she tried.
I have made a lot of progress....I have been running daily, I lost 30 lbs in 2 months, and the stretches of time that I maintain that loving detachment has been longer and longer. I am focusing on taking care of my kids, being happy, and working on myself.
You are right about having the strength...I need to be OK no matter what I get or don't get from her. But sometimes her coldness seeps into my soul and I react. I am also in crisis mode where my brain is saying everyday "do something, do something", but that flight or fight response is what gets me into trouble. I end up getting upset and saying I am done, I can't take this anymore, I am tired of loving someone who does not love me back, etc., etc.
The last incident has taught me that my emotional responses overpower my intellectual responses, and that I need to walk away when I feel flooded.
