Question

[awest1217]

So H called after work and I did well. I did not give him any information just said I had a good day and let him talk. I did interrupt a lot, which I need to still work on, but he talked about the book he is reading about codependence and how he is dependent upon "saving" others. I said that is strange because whenever I need "saving" you never come (I later said you don't even come to the rescue when S is sick). He said that is true and is something to explore. Also he said having a hard time defining if doing what is right and responsible is being codependent or not. Like if he does something because it is his responsibility and not because he wants to is that being codependent, ie coming home to take care of his wife and child. I said that I think doing something because you have a responsibility is not being codependent. At work you stay late to finish something not because you want to, but because it is your job. This is the same thing.

Also talked about the "Love, Honor, and Forgive" book. He said he is very interested in it and is excited to read it and DR because it is more about marriages and not just self-help. He liked how easy it is to read. He isn't very far in that so didn't talk long.

At the end of the conversation he said he wanted to go out sometime this week just the two of us. I said I would like that, but I don't know if I would go because I have made some boundaries that I don't want to cross. I said to start being his wife he will have to get rid of OW and no more OW. I also said what he is doing with her is wrong and that I can't trust him at all with anything so I would need him to first start to rebuild my trust.

I felt bad when I got home, but said oh well because it was true, and I said it matter of factly and said I it was my boundaries for me.

Then S comes to me asking to go to "daddy's house" I said not today and he kept asking so I told him we could call daddy. Then he said the worst thing "I don't have a family". I didn't have a chance to explore what he meant because I was already calling H. H answered and I said S has something to ask you. S said "Daddy I go your house". H asked what and S asked a couple more times. H then said how about I come over and take you to the park. S said ok and then I got on the phone. I said I wasn't trying to guilt him (what he always says when I bring S up), but S wanted to call so I said I would. I also told him about what S said and he started to cry. I asked him if he wanted me to drop S off and he said there was nothing to do over there. I said he just wants to spend time with his dad and I would bring over a few toys to play with. He was a little emotional so I said I would let him go and he should call me back in 10 minutes with a decision on what to do. He said good bye to S and I hung up. It is now 3 hours later....no call and S keeps asking when daddy is coming over...