Still in the tunnel with hubby

[SomethingNew]

Hi K,

I tend to lurk around this neighborhood and have been following your current thread of a way to keep some perspective, focus and well... know that I am not alone in this life as a standing spouse. What do they say?....misery loves company!

It tends to be a little hard for me to relate at times since so much of what is available to research on MLC focuses on men having the MLC. What has struck me about your sitch is how similar my wife and your hubby are, than again pretty many of these stories sound so similar in so many ways it is scarey. So much for being unique huh! I tend to be a couple of months behind your sitch with my own and have used it as a kind of crystal ball to try and figure out what is next. That was something I found however that was contributing to my problem.

This is not something for me (nor is it for you either) to figure out and any effort to do so is futile. I have always been impressed with your PMA and have used that to inspire my own at times. Lord knows we all need that along with a ton of patience. Today is the one year anniversary of the ILYBIDLY and what I feel was the awakening of my wife's MLC. Yeah...yeah I know...HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!! It has been a tough day to keep positive and focused on what I need to do. So, I'll try and focus on someone else, how's that for worrying about myself.

This is my point though with you...(I have never been one to make a point quickly) you need to stop worrying about hubby...and them trying to figure this all out. We tend to start to see some light at the end of the tunnel....and feel now I can make some sense and boom we lose our focus, our patience our ability to "act as if." We really need to realize that this is something that can take 2,3 even 4 years or more and it is something that they need to solve themselves we can't do that for them. Yes it all makes perfect sense to us... than again we aren't the ones that are temporarily (hopefully) insane. Remember by continuing to make it about our needs with them....we allow them to continue to drag us down and blame us. We are the sane ones we need to focus on ourselves and don't even think that at this time they have any capacity to get that so don't even bother thinking they should get that....just ain't going to happen!!

They have a whole lot of stuff to sort through and process and with my wife along with most MLC'ers this stuff goes back to their childhood. Even a sane person would take a long, long time to do that...

There is a reason this is called a rollercoaster, our stomachs are going to feel like they have been left high and low...Hang on....you're doing fine and I know I'll need your wisdom and support some day!