How did the succesful people get out of thus stick in the mud state and how long should this take. I am three months in and I feel like I have plugged the hole in the boat for the time being but can't bring myself to row to shore or bail the boat out, etc.
That's where "Fake it till you make it" and "Act As If" come into play. You have to suck it up and give our spouse your best foot forward, every chance you can. If you come across as happy and lively, it makes a change from what their internal script says should be happening (whining, clingy, depressed).
Getting a life and doing 180's are what you do for yourself to keep your mind off of your spouse. They keep you positive (which hopefully makes it less necessary to FITYMI).
The rest of it depends on your and your spouse.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
