I'd be happy to take care of the final paperwork as soon as I get home. I am stationed at Fort [xxx] at the moment for [xxx] school and will be returning to CA Nov 6th and I'll handle it then.
Your last email has given me a fair amount to think about since it was very unexpected. I shot you a text as I'd like that talk with you about it but unsurprisingly you did not reply. If you are going to entitled to give your final thoughts on the subject, I think I should be allowed the same. I'm sorry that you want to be completely gone from my life. I know that over the last couple of years I have had a very bipolar approach to you. I've gone between periods of hating you intently to being apologetic and sympathetic to how I've treated you and I have no excuse other than it has been a dark period for me where I felt I had been completely abandoned by everyone I ever cared about.
As for repairing our marriage, the short version boiled down to two things. I never knew you wanted to put things back together and I was too ashamed to do anything myself. I made that one effort when we started having a relationship again but when it started to look like it could actually become a real relationship I freaked out over how would I ever explain things, how would I face your family, go back to aikido, etc. I wish we could at least learn to be friends, you were a very important part of my life for a long time and for all my reasons I thought I had to hate you, in retrospect they don't seem such big things now. Whatever faults I have accused you of, you are still a wonderful woman with a brilliant future, though I never did like your hair short much - longer was better. In my rage against you in the last couple years I've been rather cruel and very good it seems at re-interpreting everything you said and did to be malicious when I should know better. I still owe you a check for the tax refund. I don't expect to buy your forgiveness but I took a mistake and used it to punish you for how I felt I had been ignored since I returned from Iraq. I had promised you the entire refund and the university deducted the money on their own without my involvement. But when you contacted me so pissed off over something I hadn't done, it seemed like a good idea at the time to be spiteful. I feel honor bound to set that straight.
If you ever decide we can try being friends, I'll be willing to sit down and have a drink and see if we can't get over our dark past and just have some laughs. Life is too short to let anger and past wrongs make decisions. Ask me, I know - it's the only way I made decisions for the last few years and it hasn't worked so good for the Israelis and Palestinians either.
Otherwise best of luck for you in your new life and career. I'm sure you'll do great things and if you ever need help I'll still be here. BTW how's your aikido doing?
Love always, [EXH]
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
