Changing Man

[Gardener]

Disclaimer: Kinda-down-and-depressed-for-two-days-in-a-row rambling:
Can't remember two down days in a row in quite a while, actually.

Thought it kind of odd Saturday morning when wife called early to let me know that movers will be at our house in two weeks for her boxes and piano. Long advance notice. Then she said she'd be coming by for mail, "are you gonna be home?" Didn't show/didn't call for mail Sat or Sun. (?) Was she checking to see if this is retreat weekend and I won't be home (= house is empty) for some reason? While writing this I just realized what a hole removing the piano will leave in the living room for showing the house (which in this market should be any month now).

This has been bugging me (and of course is magnified like the above due to inexplicable mood): At last mediator meeting - no the one before that (last mediator meeting wife didn't show/didn't call)- mediator asks what surname she'll be using. Well, wife says she doesn't want to go back to maiden name, doesn't like surname from first marriage, even though it is her kids' surname (obviously), "so, I think I'll stay with Gardener, that's what I'm known as professionally." Mediator: "Okay. Remaining Gardener." At that moment - and in the back of my mind periodically these last weeks - I'm thinking, "Hello? There's a third person in this room who might want to be at least acknowledged, if not considered, in this little talk: the man whose name it is?!? Yeah, I'm in a low mood and I know I'm being real petty and uncharacteristically chauvinist-sounding, here.

I'm a bit fed up and exhausted after 4 weeks or more of spending every spare minute, fixing, painting, patching, cleaning, etc. so Broker can come in with his magical 360-degree camera and shoot every room so prospects can do a "walk-thru" on his website. After waffling a bit on do I want her to help/do I want her here, I did ask her at mediation if she planned on contributing in the effort. She said a weak "um, sure," and then proceeded to chat with mediator about how many windows there are to clean in our 1920 house. I mentioned this once on the phone before that and, come to think of it, she evaded and I let it slip right by. I dunno. Sick of me doing it all, for both our benefit, but don't really want her here. This whole situation has resulted in Zero GALing and cabin fever. A big contributing factor in my mood, I suddenly realize (also may well be a Mr. Nice Guy issue).

Got a few more, but that's enough whining, for now.

Gotta get back to The Four Agreements. Let's see, in the above, I took things personally once or twice, made several assumptions, am not doing my best today, just moping and whining here. Impeccable with my word? Kinda blew that a coupla times, too.
Yep, back to the book.

Thanks fer readin'