If you were detached the idea of another man in your W's life would not be such a burden to you. You would accept she is on her own journey to find happiness and you would accept that even though you don't agree on the way she went about finding happiness it will all be fine for YOU.
What you said above speaks volumes about the control you so desperately seem to want and need. You cannot control what your W does w/other men. If you do divorce you cannot control who your W brings into your children's lives or if she remarries.
If your W does decide to bring a man into the lives of your kids then what your children will need is your support as it will be a transition. You can't offer that support if you are not detached and remain staunch in your judgements about what your W is doing and how "wrong" it is. You *will* have to find a balance.
And you spend an awful lot of time speculating. Your W has a new BF... so what? What indication do you have that this man has *any* interest or desire in being a step dad? You have none. You have to learn to separate your thoughts of your W as a woman and a mom. As a woman she is moving forward as she sees fit. That doesn't mean she can't be a good mom too. You seem to think because she *is* moving forward with her life as a woman it makes her a bad mom. It doesn't.
If you love your W like you say you do then you also have to trust that she will make the right choices for your girls when it comes to another man. And if you can do that, then you will know you are detached.
