My H said he wants a D, I'm devastated!

[BeingMe]

Damn! This sucks! I'm sorry to say this, but like everyone else's H here, yours also sucks in this time and place. Try not to be depressed; rather angry and proactive. This is not the time to give him anymore of yourself than you have already. If he slept with someone else in the bed where he made love to you, then I think (besides the fact that that is really low and a freaking insult to you in a long line of other insults) he needs to find out what it's like to be without you in that bed. No more 'nice Chel'. He has walked all over your feelings, scr*wed around with your head. He is going to do what he is going to do; you cannot control him. But, you can control you. Maybe, he is sending you a message --- he wants you to be the one to walk away? I don't know --- I've said before that your H is a coward (sorry, I know you love him, but this is my opinion, and the man you loved is not present anymore), but he does seem to hit you with one thing after another. He blames everyone for his issues except himself. I can't help but think there is another person guiding him at this time, influencing him to do things that, maybe, he wouldn't normally do.

Peacetoday gave good advice in that you should protect yourself financially and find a therapist to unload all this stuff onto --- someone with a face.

What I would do, if it were me? Place the bed outside, and change the locks. And start looking for another job (back in CO would be a good choice, far from his possible MLC). Take half the money out of the accounts and put it in your own personal one. If you can, get out of being accountable for any of his credit card spending. But, that's me. To me, he has run out of opportunities for hurting you --- don't let him carry on doing it. He has to go on his own personal journey, wherever that leads (and if this is MLC, it will be dark places and it's best if you weren't there then), and you on yours where you have control over your own life. Perhaps, down the line, your journeys may come together again, when he has sorted out his head. Where he can find out what it's like to live his life without depending on you and others in his family. Believe me, as Dr Phil says, if the OW will do it with him, they'll do it to them.

Anyway, this is my humble opinion. I hope whatever happens, that it is a soft landing for you. You deserve better than this. Take care of yourself first now.

To sum up:
Detach and get legal counsel
Detach and get personal counselling
Detach and protect yourself financially
Detach and get some personal boundaries in place