PLEASE HELP! - About to completely LOSE IT!!!

[aflowergurlie]

I left Saturday evening and went to stay with friends for the night. Got home yesterday afternoon and had a quiet evening at home alone. Napped, watched a movie, made a cake for a friend, cooked & cleaned a little. Last night more than most now, I was missing H. Missing our old life together, missing snuggling together on the couch or in bed. Feel like I am so depleted and devoid of physical affection and touch right now and am longing for it desperately.

H didn't come home this morning but came home a little while ago for a much earlier lunch than usual. H came right into my room (my door was wide open) and I was on my computer doing job searching. H then proceeds to lay down on my bed and just watching me while I was working. Asked me how my weekend was, I replied "good". Asked me how my job searching was going and I said "it's going, just getting as much as I can out there." While he asked me this stuff I just kept my eyes on what I was doing, not being rude or unfriendly just looking concentrated and busy. Then just laid there for a few minutes without saying anything and then got up and left and went into the office with his food to eat.

Over the weekend when I was at my friends place (a married couple) they have two cute cats that I took pictures of on my phone. So I decided to go in and show H the two pics, seeing as how many pics he bombarded me the other week of his Bro's kitten.

H on computer as I was walking up "What's up?" AFG - handing cell phone to him with pic of 1st cat "Here, look." H - "Oh wow, who's that?" AFG - "That's Tiger." H - "Wow, he's pretty. Who's cat is that?" AFG - Taking phone back to open next picture, "A friend's." Gave H phone with next cat pic. "And this is Zorro." H - "Awww. He's cute too." AFG - walks away. H gets up and starts talking to me, I turn around and stand and listen as he tells me about a cat at one of his friend's houses over the weekend. Told me it was a guys house and told me the guys name. Just responded with smiling and then when back to my computer when he was finished.

I had a pizza in the oven for my lunch. H was in bathroom when I went to kitchen to take out of oven and slice up. H comes out of bathroom and into kitchen as I was standing at kitchen sink to wash the pizza cutter. Looks at me and says with sh**-eating grin "You're funny." Then taps me on side of my butt and says "move" as he was trying to put something into recycle can under the sink counter. I move and say "Why am I funny?" H - "Because you are just funny. A "friend" huh?" AFG - acting aloof, "What do you mean?, Oh because I said "a friend"?" H - smiling, laughing "Yeah, like it's a big deal to say who it was." AFG - "I didn't mean for it to be a big deal. It's some friends of mine that you don't know." H - now sitting at bar in kitchen while I am starting to slice pizza, pauses for a minute "So is it a girl friend or a guy friend?" AFG - looks at H with smirky smile "Why would that matter?" H - "Because it does and I'm curious now." AFG - "A guy. (which was stretching the truth, I don't want to lie or make anything up at all, but it is was a guy's house and his wife has lived there with him for the last year.) H - "Where at? In (city) or (other city)?" AFG - "I really don't see what difference it makes. You have your own world and friends and life and I have my own world and friends and life. And I guess I would just rather prefer to keep it to that and not discuss stuff like this with you." H - "You mean keep things separate?" I didn't respond. H pauses "It's your call." then says "It doesn't have to be that way." (implying that we can talk about our separate lives and who they include in them, is the meaning I took from that comment.) H - "So is this just a guy friend or a potential someone?" AFG - "You really just aren't listening to me are you? H - laughing "No, I heard you, but I'm choosing to ignore you because I want to ask what I want to ask." AFG - smiles, picks up plate of pizza, looks directly at H and starts to walk out of kitchen "And I can choose not to answer your questions. There's pizza on the stove if you want some." H - responds after I walk past him "Thank you, but I already ate." I go back to my room and H leaves to go back to work.

Hmmmm.

I'm afraid that H is trying to find out if I have a "someone" or maybe even wanting me to have a "someone" so a) he can try and start talking to me about OW and/or b) so he doesn't feel guilty about OW. Just some fears/thoughts.