For those with a WAS...How do you cope?

[courts0818]

I have time to catch up and answer some of the questions that were asked in previous posts. So...

As for ML - um...I'm not into it these days. Instead of feeling like it brings us closer, I feel like I'm being used. He gets what he wants and then walks out the door. It's not a good feeling. Besides, he's eating enough cake these days (doing what he wants, living the life of a bachelor, etc) - I'm not adding that as something else he gets. He has been saying some rather inappropriate (kind of vulgar) sexual things lately and it makes me quite mad! The other day when he made such a comment I just said something like, "Don't speak to me that way." Why in the hell does he think he can make rude comments like that? He needs to censor himself and learn to speak with some respect.

Is he seeking revenge by making me hurt? Wow...I really don't know. But, I sure hope not! I have apologized and asked for forgiveness for the mistakes I've made (and I haven't done anything THAT bad - I nagged too much, didn't make date nights a priority and so forth). And he's not just hurting me he's hurting our daughter and our entire family. IMO there is no justification for him walking out on us. I realize he wasn't happy, but he never said a word to me - he just up and left and he refuses to do anything to make things work. When you marry and a make a lifetime commitment then try to intentionally hurt your spouse/children to seek revenge (bc you weren't happy or whatever) that is just plain evil. Our situtation goes so far beyond him just hurting me - he's destroying our family. Know what I mean? He's focused on one person and only one person - himself.

Yes, I do feel like I've learned better communication skills and I've learned how to fight fair. I watched the Fireproof movie and did the 40 Day Love Dare which taught me SOOOOOO much about love, communication and forgiveness. ...hum....I've become pretty bitter and angry again - guess that's another book I need to pull back out. It really teaches us to love others the way God loves us. It was a very helpful read for me and it did teach me a lot about marriage. Guess I'm just stuck...yet again...bc IDK if my H will ever snap out of this and maybe he's creating scars that just won't be able to be healed.

Maybe I do need to look at a new timeline since I've really only recently gotten better at GAL & 180s. But like I've said over and over - I'm so tired of waiting and being patient and being told that's what I need to do. 15 months since the issue of his unhappiness surfaced and 12 months since he's been out of the house - he's had more than enough time. I can't keep living this way for months and months. Maybe until the end of the year??? I just don't know. Why can't he take one teeny little step toward reconciliation? How long have you been waiting on your walk away?

I hate this roller coaster ride!