The adventure chronicles

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I said, no, I think you're trying to control me again. She asked if I would call my couselor and ask her if I was being unrealistic or unreasonable. I said, ok.

In other words, you're still taking your directions from your wayward wife.

[Steve McQueen]

"She asked if I would call my couselor and ask her if I was being unrealistic or unreasonable.""

So I did

"So, we'll see if my wife will agree to that."

I doubt

what happened to DECISIVENESS?

[AFWAW]

Well, I did ask my counselor and she thought it was an interesting question. She said she could see my wife's point IF there had been some action on her part. She said for the most part, it's only empty promises. She suggested that I counter offer in that if my wife agreed to go to counseling and agree to start dating that only after we agreed that it was time to come home that I would not associate with any women she didn't approve of. She said that because the actions my wife has taken, it would be impossible to trust her until she showed that she could be trusted again.
SO,

I talked to my wife and told her that I would take the OW off FB after she went to counseling and we dated for awhile. She flat out refused and said that if I would not honor her request then she was going to file next week as she has been getting asked out and she's tired of waiting for me. I told her to go ahead, have fun, you did it before, what's stopping you now? Then she started begging again, please, take this woman off your FB. I told her to have a good night and hung up.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

[gucci loafer]

You are pursuing again. Doesn't work.
You gave her an opportunity when you asked her out. She refused.

Fairly good answer when you told her to go ahead and date.

This woman has demonstrated again and again she goes the exact opposite of what you say or want. Seems to me that would mean that you have to tell and show her you don't want her and that you are done. You aren't giving up the OW on facebook. End of story.


Her pattern then is to chase.... You seem to have a hard time really letting her chase. I don't understand why, since it seems to be the thing that works so well.

Go back to "I have been doing some thinking and I want this over with. I don't love you in the way that I should. I think it is best that you and I both date others. I am not giving up other woman on facebook so there really is nothing more to talk about. It just won't work. I realized that I am not interested in even trying anymore.


You have a woman that takes the opposite position that you want or take.

Is it really worth the price?
I don't think this is really about the OW. IF you got rid of OW she would then say you didn't do it soon enough or who knows what. She takes the opposite stance. When people are like that then the best thing to do is to take the opposite stance of what you want because then they take the exact stance you were trying so hard for them to move to.


I don't see what you lose by getting tough and kicking her to the curb. She is trying hard to make you feel dumped. The dumper is always in charge. Be the dumper.

[AFWAW]

You are pursuing again. Doesn't work.
You gave her an opportunity when you asked her out. She refused.

Wasn't trying to pursue. In hindsight, I see that I was. Sounded like a pretty good offer to me.

This woman has demonstrated again and again she goes the exact opposite of what you say or want. Seems to me that would mean that you have to tell and show her you don't want her and that you are done. You aren't giving up the OW on facebook. End of story.

It's interesting that you say that as I thought back over the course of the marriage and I would say that is fairly accurate. And you're correct, I'm not giving up the OW on FB.

Her pattern then is to chase.... You seem to have a hard time really letting her chase. I don't understand why, since it seems to be the thing that works so well.

Everytime it seems like we're close to resolving anything, she starts with the demands and outlandish behavior again. Makes me believe that she doesn't want me, she just wants to control me.

You have a woman that takes the opposite position that you want or take.

Yep, seems to be the pattern.

Is it really worth the price?
I don't think this is really about the OW. IF you got rid of OW she would then say you didn't do it soon enough or who knows what. She takes the opposite stance. When people are like that then the best thing to do is to take the opposite stance of what you want because then they take the exact stance you were trying so hard for them to move to.

I don't think that it is worth the price. And you're right, it isn't about the OW. It's about her not having control of me and not having control over my daughter. Interesting solution that you present, take the opposite stance of what I want to get what I want--seems childlike, funny.

I don't see what you lose by getting tough and kicking her to the curb. She is trying hard to make you feel dumped. The dumper is always in charge. Be the dumper.

I hear you and I don't feel like I'm getting dumped but I think that she does. She's basically reversed everything to seem like I'm the bad guy/unreasonable one whereas she wants to come home and is putting stipulations on her coming home and I haven't asked her to come home. Kind of perplexing.

She called several times today but I did not answer her calls. I'm going to see my son get married on Saturday and my daughter told me that the wife asked if we were riding together? Nope, don't think I want to sit in the car with someone I'm divorcing for 13 hours.

[Ekie]

He AFWAW....

I am a little confused here on what it is you are trying to accomplish... You seem to have gotten off track.....

I thought the main objective is to reconcile?

Got the impression that reconciliation was NOT the goal here.

…your WAW dealt you a get out of jail free card, that being her infidelity, no one on heaven or earth can judge you for putting your WAW aside.

At this point, I am NOT interested in having my wife back. …. No thanks..

I would not wish AFWAW’s wife on anyone. Will leave it at that; in I can be lacking in empathy.

Either way AFWAW is doing fine here.

Sure, he does not say the exact correct thing in certain circumstances, however his behavior is largely spot on, and that is way more important then what he says. In addition his behavior is behavior, not ACTING out something he is being coached to do. AFWAW is truly detached from the outcome here, and as a result his behavior has changed, his wife reads this, and reads this correctly, and continues to peruse, because this makes him attractive.

Eventually she will tire of the limbo AFWAW has placed her in she will wakeup (unlikely) or move on.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Either way AFWAW is doing fine here.

Sure, he does not say the exact correct thing in certain circumstances, however his behavior is largely spot on, and that is way more important then what he says. In addition his behavior is behavior, not ACTING out something he is being coached to do. AFWAW is truly detached from the outcome here, and as a result his behavior has changed, his wife reads this, and reads this correctly, and continues to peruse, because this makes him attractive.

I'm sorry, but I've been following AW from the very beginning, and I do NOT think he's as detached as he ought to be by now, and I think it's holding him -- and his daughter -- back, emotionally.

He continues to get sucked back in, and he continues to allow his wife -- who does NOT have the marriage's, nor the family's best interests at heart right now -- to largely control the agenda.

I do think he's gotten better, but "spot on" is way too generous. I think he's still suffering, and I think he holds the keys to his own healing if only he'd do what he knows he needs to do.

Puppy

[Ekie]

I don’t see it that way, at all. AFWAW’s efforts are half hearted; he really is not into it. He is not following all the advice to say this and that at just the right times not because he is making mistakes out of desperation, it is because he does not care. You don’t see that?

[v1olin]

Puppy, I want to understand more about this...what exactly does he need to do? I have read his sitch a lot for the last 2-3 months but are you saying he should file?