New here, this is my story...

[TrentC]

No kidding. I know all of this, I really do. But how much longer can someone wait? I know lots of people who have waited longer, both personally and from reading stories here. However, I can't imagine trying to continue to wait. I will, I promise; but this is, no doubt, a test of willpower.

What has helped me the past couple of days has been rethinking how I approach this, thanks to SmileysPerson's post.

DBing isn't about restoring your relationship. It's called "Divorce Busting" becuase it's about stopping the progress towards a divorce. Once you get your spouse to reconsider leaving you, then you work on renewing the relationship.

So every day that you give her a reason to reconsider leaving you is a victory. Every day that goes by without talk of filing is a win.

I found out today that the counseling appt is NEXT wed, not this wed. That's another week and a half! My FIL told me, like he always does, that time is on my side. I just don't know anymore.

I find myself making deadlines in my head, then when they pass, I make a new deadline.

That's part of the problem, then. I found this quote about Admiral James Stockdale, who survived seven years as a POW:

In a business book by James C. Collins called Good to Great, Collins writes about a conversation he had with Stockdale regarding his coping strategy during his period in the Vietnamese POW camp.

"I never lost faith in the end of the story, I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade."

When Collins asked who didn't make it out, Stockdale replied:

"Oh, that’s easy, the optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, 'We're going to be out by Christmas.' And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they'd say, 'We're going to be out by Easter.' And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart."

Stockdale then added:

"This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end — which you can never afford to lose — with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”

I can GAL all I want, it just makes me either want to start working on this marriage or get it over with so I can move on. Right now, I can do neither.

Actually, you can. You can show your wife that you're willing to do things without her -- even things that she may find interesting -- and have a life that doesn't include her if necessary. Then let her make the decision to let you go or work things out.

The happier you are, the more attractive you become.