I keep wondering why stbx is stalling. I did the divorce papers, sent them to him, filed them, and gave him the waiver of service to sign. He signed it,sent it back, and conveniently forgot to have it notarized. My last posting was ten days ago. Still nothing. He swears he will send it.

I don't get it. Why is he dragging his feet? What is the purpose? He has made it very clear over the last two plus years of separation that he does not want me, does not love me, never has anything good to say about our time together. I got it. I understand, and am working my best to move forward with my life in the most productive way. And for the most part, I have.

But still he stalls. This is what he wanted...so why not follow through?

Truth be told, part of me wants desparately to believe that maybe, just maybe, he is reconsidering. Although I am not sure what that would mean for me. I am not going back to Texas. But the other, more logical, sensible part thinks there must be a reason why he is stalling, other than because he still loves me. It must be his immigration, although I am not his sponsor, maybe it will look better if he is married to a US citizen. But there is the fact that we don't live together, and haven't in a long time.

And then I think I am trying to talk myself out of still loving him. Will that ever stop? Will I ever NOT love this man who hurt me so much, treated me so badly? I know I deserve better.

And then I wonder...

why is he stalling?

Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..