1) Really, really, really give up trying to be right. It is really OK if you were wrong. It is really OK if you are two people who should have gotten D.
2) Accept this: Accepting that I am better off with my M being over does NOT mean that I didn't love H, nor that he didn't love me. Our M worked for awhile, and then it didn't work.
3) Stop waiting in the wings. Imagine yourself sitting outside XH's new house in a car, waiting just in case he decides to come out and say hi. Pretty disprespectful, pretty stalkerlike, pretty bad way to treat yourself. The idea turns your stomach a bit, no? But, this is exactly what you are doing to yourself. It doesn't matter if you are physically present, emotionally, you are sitting on the curb. Stay there, and you'll just keep getting run over. You have much better ways to spend your life :-)
4) DUMP your X-family. You seem to keep wanting to prove something to yourself by hanging onto them. Guess what? THEY AREN'T YOUR FAMILY. They are going to live in a way that makes them comfortable as a family that includes your XH. This is not going to be a family that includes you as a member. Quit taking it personally. Quit waiting for them to be something they are not. They are not your family, they never will be. It is unhealthy for you to continue to expect them to treat you as a family member. They won't. You aren't.
5) Do a whole lot more to get a life a a single woman. Make sure you are sexually satisfied. Make sure you are getting out as an adult in ways that have nothing to do with being a mother or family member. When you date, expect very nearly all of your dates to go badly and most Rs to end. This is NORMAL and says nothing about you. To expect otherwise is unrealistic. That's why we have to date to begin with, lol.
