It has been several weeks since I posted anything, but I have spent a lot of time on here reading other peoples sitch and using the suggestions and ideas in my own sitch and it looks like it has worked. I have to say listen to Sandy2, Coach and Greek, these people know what they are talking about.
For the last couple of weeks my W has been getting more and more friendly with me, but I kept my distance as to not wanting to scare her off.
Well this weekend started off with a small argument over a stupid little thing that lead into a discussion about how she never shares her feelings with me since all of this started and that I am done trying. I told her that I don't know where she stands on our relationship and that I don't want to keep trying for the next several months only to end up in the end with a broken heart because she does not want to be in the relationship anymore.
She then said that we have made some great progress over the last couple of weeks and that she hasn't shared her feelings with me because she was afraid that my changes are not permanent and that she would end up getting hurt again herself.
We spent the rest of the weekend talking and acting like we used to with the exception of physical contact but it was great.
This morning W said to me that she is concerned about how the argument went on Friday because she does not want me to give up as she feels that if we work hard on it, our marriage will be okay.
On my way out the door for work this morning, my wife kissed me and it was great.
We are still planning on meeting with a the new Marriage Counselors (a married couple that work together) that we meet with for the first time last week which is great because I think it can only improve our marriage and we will both be much happier in the end.
I want to thank everyone on here for their help, whether you posted on my topics or not you helped just by posting on your own and others. Believe in the process and believe in yourself and you will be happy in the end.
Thanks
Me: 39 W: 34 S:6 M:11 years T: 13 Years B: 07/2009 Possibly BUSTED: 11/2009
I have to say that I think what helped the most was that I detached. What this means in my opinion is that although i love my W more then life itself, I had to come to grips with the chance that our M was over and that I would need to move on with my life and make sure I was there for my S6.
With this said, I concentrated on the things that I needed to do to become a better father, husband and person. I started to work out and lost nearly 30 pounds and am still working out today. I started to go out more with friends and got a life (GAL).
Work on yourself first, learn to be happy without her and then she will see a person that she wants to be with again.
Listen to what people like Sandy2, Greek and Coach say and the many other on this site that have helped me.
Good luck.
Me: 39 W: 34 S:6 M:11 years T: 13 Years B: 07/2009 Possibly BUSTED: 11/2009
Your situation, and how you handled it, sounds similar enough to my own (and how I'm trying to deal with it) that it gives me hope.
Best of luck to you in your new relationship with the woman you love.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I have to say that I think what helped the most was that I detached.
Thanks. But, during the process, how did you act around her? My sitch has me spending some weekends and some dinners during the week with our s5 and I feel there's tension on both W and I that the result is less conversation. Should I just pretend I'm having a good time? What did you do?
Thanks. But, during the process, how did you act around her? My sitch has me spending some weekends and some dinners during the week with our s5 and I feel there's tension on both W and I that the result is less conversation. Should I just pretend I'm having a good time? What did you do?
I simply acted like a friend or roommate. When she came home, I asked her how her day was and if she wanted to talk, I would put everything away, turned off the TV or Radio and looked into her eyes and really listened.
When she was done talking and asked about my day, I would simply tell her it was good, maybe mention one thing that happened but would not share too much at the beginning. As she become more friendly and open with me, I began to open up more to her and let her in to my world a little more.
When I went out, I would only tell her that I was going out. If she wanted to know more she would need to ask and I would simply answer the question she asked, never revealing more then what she had asked.
On a couple of occasions this bothered her and she had mentioned it a couple of days after the fact that I was acting mysterious.
I hope this helps.
Me: 39 W: 34 S:6 M:11 years T: 13 Years B: 07/2009 Possibly BUSTED: 11/2009
I think one other thing that helped in my situation is that my W agreed early to go to MC. Even though she felt at the beginning that she is done and that our M was over. Simply going to the MC on the fist day I think helped as the MC had said that if we wanted to make the M work, that we both would have to work at it and that it would be hard work.
From that day, I showed her that I was willing to work hard, but I did it by actions. I used the 180s, she said that I was not involved enough with the family. I spent most of my free time hanging out with my S6. Now, I have to be careful here how I word this because I said it the wrong way at MC on 2 occasions. My W wanted me to be more responsible around the house and do my fare share of the work. DO NOT SAY HELP HER OUT AROUND THE HOUSE , ITS OUR HOUSE. So I picked up the broom more often, did the laundry more often, cleaned the bathrooms more often.
Me: 39 W: 34 S:6 M:11 years T: 13 Years B: 07/2009 Possibly BUSTED: 11/2009
