I made him promise that he would never do that again and if he felt we were having problems, to please talk it out first. Apparently, he forgot his promise. I am afraid if I kick him out, he will move in with OW as we would not be able to afford to get his own place. BTW, his first W had an affair on him and he was devastated to see his S, 3 at the time, crying for daddy as he was pulling away.
A "promise to never do it again" from a cheating spouse is empty. Not beating you up, as I'm sure you'd never envisioned ANY of this happening to you, but there needs to be some real boundaries and conditions when you take back someone who is cheating. 100% no-contact. Full transparency. Marriage counseling, preferably with a counselor who specializes in infidelity. Stuff like that.
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. I am afraid if I kick him out, he will move in with OW as we would not be able to afford to get his own place.
Time to LOSE THE FEAR, and put on the big-girl panties, CW. So long as you are ruled by fear, rather than by what I call "The Right Thing To Do," you won't get anywhere.
Someone advised me, in my sitch two years ago, to learn to operate NOT from a position of "What will my wife think if I do this/say this? What will be her reaction? Will she be ANGRY? How will her reaction make ME feel?"
and rather from:
"What is the RIGHT thing to do in this situation? What is the thing that God Himself would do if He were standing right in front of me?"
Once I REALLY embraced that, omg, it was LIBERATING. My wife is a hot-blooded Italian who can scream at a pitch that could sterilize frogs at 200 yards, baby. But after once or twice facing the the storm, and steeling myself into it, I looked down and said "Hey, guess what . . . I'M STILL STANDING!"
