Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Thanks Awest, I was thinking a lot in the car about how I'm feeling towards W. I was extremely cold towards her on the phone Sunday. She sounded tired, dejected and unsure and I was happy to hear it in her voice.

In a way it's a 180 because I was always trying to engage her in conversation. But now I'm not only not trying, I'm avoiding conversation.

It's helping me be stronger, but it's also not loving unconditionally. I was thinking this morning that I wouldn't want to reconcile with someone so cold.

I don't know about the Chicago trip. The girls are going to suffer enough why should they miss out on the Chicago trip because W would rather buy herself new clothes and furniture than take them?

The summer thing is just going to be a mess. I thought about it last night, W is trying to save $1,200 for a retainer and I've set aside $2,500 for retainers. That's the entire summer camp cost that's going to be blown on lawyer's fees.

How did I fail so badly as a husband that she'll throw away the girls' futures? That's my depressing thought for the day.