here's another story

[courageous wife]

Unfortunately, I have joined your DB community. Long story, will try to keep it to the point. 2 mos ago, my H informed me he had been having an affair with OW at work. He felt very guilty, told me it wasn't me at all but had to get it off his chest. He said it started over a year ago, had cooled for several months and was back on. This is the 2nd time in our M that he has done this. 1st time was about 8yrs ago and was very brief. He moved out for about 6wks and ended up coming home. Things were good for quite awhile. I believe that part of this is a MLC as he will be 51 in a couple of months. Last year was a bad year for me, my Dad died unexpectedly and I was diagnosed with breast cancer and went thru a dble masectomy, chemo and reconstruction surgery. He seemed ok and handled everything pretty good. He said that when I was going thru that, they had stopped seeing each other. (Gee, thanks!) He said he loves me and her and is waiting to see if she feels the same way. At first, I was ready to kick him out, but after cooling off and thinking things over, I decided that I didn't come thru beating cancer to have my M fall apart. I told him that I was not going to give up on us, that I would not make it easy for him to leave us, S14, D11. I did the rookie mistakes of leaving notes, cards, flowers etc. Got out pictures etc. I had fallen out of interest in sex, it had become routine and frankly, after everything I'd been thru, I just didn't have the energy or desire. So, I have been trying to seduce him every chance we get. I got the DB book about a month ago and realized all the mistakes I was making. I will also say that I had been kicking around a D from him as he had just been distant and "lazy". Hadn't done anything around the house, just slept all the time. He works graveyard and wasn't getting a lot of sleep during the day (but found out later some of it was becuz he wasn't coming straight home after work-going to OW) so I got irritated and pulled away...I do NOT want a D!!! I have been trying to be upbeat and pleasant, do nice things for him and not ask too many questions about why he is late etc. I thought things were going pretty well..until a couple of weeks ago when he informed me that she went to the Dr and has herpes and said she got it from him!!! He and I have been married for 15yrs and never used condoms so I was highly doubtful. A few days later, I showed some symptoms and yes, I have it now too! I am devastated about it! IF things don't work out with he and I not only am I missing "real" breasts but now have an STD at 46yrs of age! And, yes, I have snooped. We both have prepaid cell phones so no phone bills but he is going thru minutes like crazy and must have figured out how to delete any calls off his phone so no answers there but did find a picture of her, a strange key, and a little love note from her in his wallet which he has taken to hiding from me. I also found that he had taken a big loan from his 401K in April of last yeat that he didn't tell me about. Although, that loan is a normal behaviour from him as he has done that in the past without telling me. Ok, this is getting too long for the first time writing...just asking for some advice as I am so confused...he tells me he loves me, we are having fun when we go out together but I know he is still seeing her. Any advice would be welcome!