I just had one thought. You said that you knew that your h would come back if you proceeded with divorce but that you didn't want him to come back this way and you wanted him to do it of his own accord. While I totally understand this, I ask you would you rather be right or happy? If him coming home would make you happy and pull you out of this holding pattern then why do you not do it? At the moment why would your h come home when he has the best of both worlds friendship with you and ow. Most people do not move unless they are forced into some kind of crisis. Why would he make a move if he is comfortable where he is at the moment? My question to you is what is your goal and what means can you use to take you there? You deserve happiness.
(((Cas))) sorry for the hijack there. I just wanted to point out that when your h left was his intention not to have any relationship with you. I'm assuming as most of the WAS's here seem that way. You got him to be friends and being friends is a rung on the ladder. Of course he will say he doesn't want anymore at the moment because the next step would take him out of his comfort zone at the moment and cause him to face some issues in his life. It is all about moving to the next step and using the means at your disposal to get there. I would have a think about that. I know what your h said was discouraging but don't let it discourage you from your goal if that is what you still want.
