My personal opinion is that I don't believe your WS is going to wonder or think about coming back or make a decision on the OW until he thinks you are interested in another man.
That is why I think that social intereaction with the opposite sex is so important. It is important for him to see and important for your moving on and getting out of this hope and fear trap that you seem to be in. I have found that women seem to underestimate the power of competition. Even though you both seem to be in competition with the OW, you can't seem to see that it could very well get your WS off the fence or get you off the fence. It SHOWS that you are moving on.
You don't have to treat your WS much differently than you are now. Just some minor changes. There is nothing wrong with having a good relationship with an ex.
Sanderika. Has it ever occured to you that your WS feels the same way about you that you do about your male friend? Did you ever wonder if your male friend is hoping that if he keeps being your friend that you will fall in love with him? You sound like you have a good relationship with your male friend. What if he wonders if when you are nice to him if you are falling in love with him? What if he has people tellng him to hang in there and that you are giving him signs of falling in love when you are nice to him? What if he is thinking the same things about you that you are about your WS?
Do you see why being friends COULD be misleading? If you really want to be a friend to your WS, then it shouldn't change when you have found someone else in your life.
My take is that after all this time if you haven't proven to your WS how much you love him and what a great woman you are then what will it take? If he won't chase you and start to see that you are his true love when you change course, then he probably isn't coming back no matter what. IF he really loves you then he won't be able to let you go without HIM making an effort at some point.
What if he did come back now? How are you going to trust him that it won't happen again? What if he comes back to you and then says he is going to be friends with the OW? How are you going to have the leverage to not tolerate that if you don't have it now?
Ultimatums are not what I am talking about here. It is a quiet dignity, a quiet new found self confidence and yet common courtesy that you display. Just a big enough change to allow him to WONDER if you still are IN love with him and IF there is someone else. I am sorry that it takes them feeling you have let go before they may make an effort to come back. I am sorry that there are no guarantees. There just isn't any guarantees. The guarantee is that there ARE millions of men out there that WILL treat you as if you are in a mutual love relationship and probably make you ask yourself why you wasted so much time on your WS and even get you to ask yourself what you ever saw in a man that hurt you so deeply. You would probably be saying to yourself. NEVER AGAIN will I try to get a person back that want to leave. At least that seems to be a common theme once you are emotionally dead to the relationship. The key then would be to advance toward that goal.
