Not sure what to do

[stu321]

I guess so, this week is going to be hard, especially cause I'll be working on the house (and wondering the whole week if I'll ever move into it). It's probably best for me to stay away from the house, but I can't afford to let timelines slip. Christmas is coming up and if we can work things out, I'd like to spend Christmas in the new house. The house is almost done, and we were hoping to be in by late Nov or early Dec.

Anyway, when she makes up her mind in anything, there is little hope of changing it.

[stu321]

One thing she said to be yesterday, was that she had a lovely night, but it felt like we were strangers.

[TrentC]

Anyway, when she makes up her mind in anything, there is little hope of changing it.

As long as you believe that, you are right.

Less than a month ago, I was on the phone with a very good friend sobbing my eyes out at the fact that my wife was leaving me and there was nothing I can do. "I don't see how I get a happy ending" were my exact words.

Today, we seem to be getting along almost as well as we did before the bomb, and there has been no D talk of late.

Is my divorce busted? Not hardly; not until she is willing to say that she wants to work on it (not just "I hope that we can work it out") and we start healing together. But there is no progress towards a D right now, so I count that as a victory.

One thing she said to be yesterday, was that she had a lovely night, but it felt like we were strangers.

Of course she did. Best thing to do is not respond to it, or say something like "I understand how it might feel that way".

[bluerain]

So, on sunday, if she brings it up she brings it up, be validating, and dont press. But if she doesnt... well, thats what were hoping for. DB your butt off this week and on sunday look great, smell great and act as if everythings going to be fine.

This all takes time stu. What your trying isnt working, so give us a week and do what we say... just see where it takes you!

[stu321]

ok,

I was planning on cutting the grass at the house. I guess I figured we could talk there if she wanted to, but also make her realise what she would loose if she ended it (makes it hard to look and smell good)

I plan on leaving her alone this week, and not mentioning anything, but I don't know if there is anything else I should / shouldn't be doing ?

Thanks all.

[Lost Rabbit]

Stu believe me there is nout as sexy as a hard working husband. Make sure youre were pristine before you start mowing and dont do it in your scruffies. When she arrives put the kettle on and say youre just gonna freshen up, and go clean up that will give her a bit of time to wander round the house noting what you have done, then come back all smiley and looking good, dont forget the cologne, it was one of the first things I noticed about H starting to look after hiself, he was always clean but now he smelt good too!

If W doesnt start any R talk stay well away from it, just keep it nice and pleasant, go sit in the sunshine and chat if you have garden chairs, sunshine always makes you feel good! If she does bring up any R talk just validate her, no needy, begging or pursuing! Like the others said she cant divorce you in a week.

My H left in August I saw him for about three weeks, then not for a month in which time I DB'd my butt off, and boy did I get his attention back, the following weekend he told my S(21) he thought he knew what he wanted but now he didnt have a clue. So yes people CAN change their mind or at least be thrown long enough to start thinking sensibly again lol.

Im still working on things, Im still separated although my H is throwing a bit of MLC into the mix so its not so straight forward. But he doesnt have OW so Im still in with a chance albeit a small one.

So get about doing things on the house, at least the benefit of seeing your house grow and you working hard will give you a better nights sleep! (())

[stu321]

Thanks rabbit, but we hav'nt got the showers in yet. I'll have to settle with washing my face and hands. The house isn't at a stage where I can live in it yet, that's why I'm staying with my sister. 
Sleep, that sounds good. I've only had about 6 hours over the last 3 nights and I normally get 8 or 9 hours a night. Just can't seem to get tired. 
I'm supposed to drop our son off on Saturday, but I might see if I can get my mum to drop him off. Don't know what excuse I'm gonna use yet. I've already set my mind at not being needy. 

Today was a really bad day and I've been depressed today. My wife called me twice to speak to me about our son. He was misbehaving at school today and was being naughty before school. She pretty much blamed me as my parents tend to spoil him, and he doesn't appreciate what he already has. She said that material things shouldn't matter in life. What matters is the people that you love, the time you spend with them and what they mean to you. Bit ironic considering she asked me to leave !

Anyway, I told her I agreed, but he is only 6 and he might have troubles seeing that considering what he has been through over the last few months (loosing his grandfather and his father not being home) and we need to find a way to make sure he understand what is important in life.

He was giving her a hard time this morning about something he wanted to take to school. Something that my mum gave him. I spoke to him and told him it was to stay at home. I then apologised to my wife and told her that I would speak to my mum about spoiling our son. Which I did. 

I spoke to a family member today, and he told me that she said there were moments on Saturday night and that we struggled to keep conversations going. Which we did have troubles with, but I tried my best.  I don't know how she can expect it to be completely normal considering we've been living seperately for 4 weeks without discussing anything. 

When we do talk, which is only when we have to, she seems angry at me all the time. I know I hav'nt worked as hard as I should of with our marriage before, but i can't change the past. I can only try to do my best plus some if she gives me another chance. 

  

[Lost Rabbit]

Im sure a good wash with hot water will suffice! Tell me about sleep four hours last night, Im like you need my eight hours as other wise Im grumpy, although I always monitor it so I dont get over tired.

Well handled with W about S, I expect your mum has been over board compensating with the treats and its gone to his little head a bit! But keeping a combined parenting front so he cant conquer and divide will be not only good for him but validate your W, dont forget to validate her good parenting skills it will be tough parenting on her own even if its her choice!

Yeah been there when conversation is hard going, I always flick it back to my H's hobbies when it gets stilted, tell him about some thing he would have enjoyed photographing, or if Im on chat with him I pretend to be the cat walking across the laptop, he knows its me really but its an icebreaker.

Keep your chin up, and dont forget to share with us what you are doing on the house!

[stu321]

Sleep ? Well, I'm exhausted, but I can't seem to fall asleep amd when I do, it's not for long.

I had a decent sleep last night. Got about 5 hours, still less than I need, but better than the last few days.

With the house, we're getting all the doors and skirting installed this week, we've got most of the lights in, but we still need to get one more water tank built, stair case, carpet, kitchen, air con and the bathrooms (toilets, basins etc). Bathrooms should be done next week, and I'm trying to get one of the bedrooms completed so I can move into that.

Even if my wife says she wants to try again, I don't think I'll move back in. She still hasn't dealt with her own issues and I think it will just make things harder for us. She can join me in the house when/if she is ready.

I spoke to my son this morning, and he promised me he was going to be good and listen to his teacher. He then said he was thinking of me last night, and I asked what he was thinking. He said he was wondering when I was coming home. It tore me apart. I felt like saying "ask your mother", but I didn't. I had to compose myself before I could continue talking to him.

I think I will drop my son off on Saturday afternoon. I plan on going for a few drinks with some of the boys, so I might use that opportunity to look (and smell) the best I can. I know she loves the cologne I have. She brought it for me.

I didn't end up giving my wife the present on Saturday night. I figured we didn't argue and it was a decent night, so I didn't want to risk ruining it at the end.

[stu321]

Some good news today. My wife asked me if I was open to seeing a counciller. I said I was. Now I just need to make sure it is a good councillor and I'm not sure how I can determine this. I know I need to make sure they are pro marriage, but how do I determine this ?

I don't have any intentions if moving back home, cause we still need our time and I want to do this properly.

I can't wait for DR to arrive. Would it be advisable to read the book with my wife ?