DB'ing as a way to Stop the Divorce is insightful.
Once the divorce papers are served in the eyes of the law you are no longer constrained to the vows of marriage. My former spouse was living with his girlfriend once he retained a lawyer. It didn't matter in the eyes of the law since he filed so swiftly.
The weight of society judging your actions.. it's only as heavy as you make it. Folks follow your lead. A friend's husband was discovered having an affair. Everyone found out the gory details. Once exposed he waffled then wanted back. She took him back. People accepted her decision, their decision and moved forward, albeit cautiously. After all, what matters is the relationship between the couple, the bond they share. If it's based on what other people think.. then heck.. what good is that?
Stop digging holes. Embrace the fog or find the sun. Drop the shudda wudda cudda's. Drop the rope.. the one within and the one between you and your spouse. Keep your personal lives private. Grow beyond previous coping mechanisms. Divorce begins in the mind.
Me.. I have little confidence in myself and relationships at this point. Then again, I'm that cautious type that focuses on healing, processing, trying to become whole, learning the triggers and moving beyond them. You see, I know I'm walking around with a whole lot of hurt and getting lost in something else scares the bejesus outta me. And fear is like leeches attached all over me. I'm just plucking away.
For what it's worth, I don't think there's any perfect way to go through this.
