Still in the tunnel with hubby

[kjensen]

So it was a rather bumpy weekend with H. Today he got mad at me a few times due to poor/miscommunication. Tonight I said it was a hard day and he agreed. We talked a bit and he said he felt like we were playing house(looked at a bookshelf), watching TV and doing the same old thing he hates. I said I wanted to go for a walk today and he sad he doesn't want to send the rest of his life going on walks. I said we could've gone bike riding and he said "well you didn't ask to do that.."

He said, "we just don't work together anymore". If he had the finances to, he'd leave. As it is he doesn't and feels "trapped". He's miserable and says we're all miserable(I would agree sometimes-none of us like this townhome as much as our old house).

He says he moved back b/c his therapist told him to. He didn't have anywhere else to go.

So. I have a husband who doesn't want to be married to me, but can't get his act together(financially) to get a divorce and so is with me and feels stuck and miserable.

H thinks the therapists(his and ours) are all trying to keep us together when they shouldn't asume we should be together.

He's tired of trying to communicate better(and yet he is the one who doesn't want to do any of our communicaton-improving homework).

So walking around on eggshells doesn't work. Being assertive and speaking up doesn't work too well either and seems to lead to more conflict.

H has his lunch with is HS female friend tommorrow. I have to say that after tonight's conversation I am more insecure about this friendship-only in that I think H will confide in her and I don't know that she wouldn't support him getting divorced since she is.

I did tell H how his words "I'm done" affect me and he says they shouldn't...and then basically later said he would leave if he could...so what should I make of that?

H said he could sleep on the basement couch and I said I wish he wouldn't. I said he's still my husband and I will still work at this marriage and I'm not giving up. H said he thought I was more optimistic than he. I replied that that was understandable since he had the additional burden of being depressed. H feels he's been depressed the last 10 years(not sure why 10 since we've been married 16) b/c he's been married to me and unhappy.

Lovely. I am really sad and worried that at some point soon I'm going to call it quits and I'm also scared that I won't call it quits when maybe I should...Its these times when I really wonder if H is right and we just don't work...or is it his depression/MLC/whatever talking and I should ignore it and keep chugging along.

I do feel like we're back at the beginning of this. The same arguments and complaints are being stated by him.