I've hit a major, major bump in the road and I am scared I may be going into a major depression.
I did go visit my dad in Colorado and had hoped the time apart would be conducive to something, anything...my trip to Colorado was very stressful would be impossible to elaborate. Anyway, on the way to the airport my H asks me out of the blue if my family had ever stayed at a good hotel near the airport? I said no. But, this question nagged me. Yes, I snooped in his notebook a couple of days before I left and found a completed application to take 3 of his bonsai trees to Montreal and date expected to leave the U.S. was November 17th. I did nothing with this information as I too do not approve of snooping but H had given a leave date of October 23rd and that came and went without so much as a word to me. So I just needed to know if H was planning another date without asking. H also had asked me a couple of days before I left if my ticket was around $220, which it was but I had never told him that so another oddity...anyway when I got to Colorado I focused on the trip and myself. However, H kept calling and saying I love you (had not said in a couple of months)...another oddity. On Friday, H called and said he was going to wrap up early in the office that afternoon and go for a walk, etc. By that time I had in my mind that possibly H was going to purchase a one-way ticket from Montreal to here by one of the friends and than he would rent a car and they would leave November 17th. I thought he was going to put them up in a hotel near airport. So, with that I assumed that H would probably be buying the plane ticket. These thoughts flooded my mind and only briefly thought of confronting him but thought better of this, did not want to push or back him in the corner. I just needed to decide what if another date for leaving would go past and than what would I do?
Well, it nagged me so much that I decided when I got back to check his credit card transactions to see if my suspicions of a purchased plane ticket was right...well I found something but it took a very big twist. There were 3 recent transactions on his card while I was gone, one was for $88 at a nice restaurant we've gone to for celebrations, the next was a charge of $93 at Comfort Inn Airport and the other for $44 at another favorite restaurant of ours. My heart was racing and I did not know what to do with the information. I absolutely did not know what course of action to take and so I pulled myself together this morning and stuffed it, I stuffed it with everything else and my emotional gas tank is at an all time low.
H never mentioned any relationship stuff today, neither did I, but he was very short with me. Now the first dinner and hotel were for Friday night, the second dinner was Saturday night (my plane came in at 10:00 pm and H was late to pick me up). He immediately kissed me out of the blue and wished me a Happy Anniversary, I said nothing I was just stunned. We met Halloween 1986 and have been together ever since. As the day has worn on H told me the cat had thrown up earlier in the day on Saturday and he had to wash the bedding, if the dinner charge was on Saturday does that mean a stranger was in my home???
I just really need help!!! I know this incident has absolutely nothing to do with Montreal and I know sex is very important in his life, so did he feel as though he needed a treat for himself or is this something he is going to try out instead so there is not so much work, as in leaving? I do know there were 15 voice mail messages from Friday afternoon and no doubt he is leaving me to clean up his mess because I take the office shift first in the morning.
I find myself still so much caring and even though angry I still love him and want us to remain a family; however, I know I have reached a crossroads on whether to stand or to quit my job and get out and find a new place to live. H will never go...
Any advice on how to proceed is critical at this juncture as I cannot hold onto this information long without it showing all across my face, it is almost impossible now to look him in the eye...what if there was a stranger in my home, with him at our favorite restaurants...how much do I turn a blind eye...
Do I confront him?
Michele M 42 H 41 Married 16 yrs Together 23 yrs. D papers moving slowly Gas tank is empty
