Help... I need to stop reacting!

[JR09]

Rockedworld,

Hi. Just a thought I learned in my own sitch: I definitely understand the daily hurt, limbo status, and constant emotional roller coaster created by the WAS. It is a very very tough feeling that can cripple you for days on end. I've been riding my roller coaster for 16 months, so my thoughts are only based on my experience.

I learned that if you push for an answer, your emotions are overwhelming you, and you're pushing the WAS further away. I did exactly just that last year right after Christmas, asking my W to make her mind up and choose between reconciling or divorcing. Wrong move. We've only been separated for 6 months at that time...

Three weeks later I get D papers in the mail...Worst move I've ever made. Since then, I backed off completely and understood that I pushed too much and it backfired on me. She filed but never pursued the issue on paper. So the D was dismissed 6 months later. Since that time, I learned to just try to GAL, sound upbeat, and never bring up the R. My emotions always waltz back and forth, asking what next, why, if only, etc...But With the help of friends on this forum, I understood the crucial principle of taking care of oneself first, back away from R talks with WAS, and be patient and loving with the WAS and the kids.

If you push the issue, you have to be ready to take the WAS'answer, good or bad. So please think about it carefully before you make your decision. Don't let your emotions guide your decisions. Patience...

JR