Help... I need to stop reacting!

[ginab1966]

Rocked:

I just want to tell you that as I write this, I have a completely emotionally detached H upstairs in our bedroom that has spoken about 4 words all day long. The anxiety, rejection and stess I'm feeling right now cannot even be given words. That being said, I've been in and out of this feeling since June so the feeling, I know, will pass and I will breath in and out until it does. I no longer fear this feeling that I have right now because I know it's human, I know I won't die and it's almost become a friend because after each episode of THIS feeling I ALWAYS feel stronger for it. It's as if the pain is creating a different me....if that makes any sense.

I am sooo close to doing what you just said you thing you can also do. I'm not there, but I think I'm close. Do I want to end my marriage and break my 4 y/o daughters family to pieces? NO!!! But, my husband keeps threatening a D and telling me he no longer loves me and is just staying until we get our finances in order so he can afford to move out. BTW..that might be another year or 2. I almost feel like I have to take control and open the "cage" for him so to speak. I know he will not be able to afford to leave and he will absolultely NOT use household money to leave with...so, I'm not sure where the convo would lead in the end but I feel that it would shift the balance somehow. Not in a manipulative way but literally in my own soul. No one on earth should be dealing with what I'm dealing with. Even the strongest self esteem would be shaken and mine is already shakey so you can only imagine the toll it's taken.

I guess all of this was to say that right now, right this minute someone feels just like you do and maybe knowing that will help a little. This board has been such a Godsend to me as Im sure it is to you!!

Good night and god bless you...

Gina B