Am I at this stage?

[TrentC]

Thanks guys. Its just getting so hard. I know I need a little patience. And I know I should be happy with all the positive steps we're making. But it just feels like we're not going anywhere. I feel empty. I feel like even though he is flirting, and complimenting, and calling, and wanting to spend time together, it doesn't mean anything. I truly believe that! I feel like if things go the way they are going he will never come home. Why? He has a perfectly fine life right now. I dunno. So frustrated.

So it's time to go back to GAL, to keep your mind off of it. The holiday weekend is over; time to find reasons for you not to be available. Maybe he won't like his life so much if you and your kids start living yours without him.

And so frustrated with keeping my mouth shut. I am having such a hard time not bringing things up. And its only been a week since our last talk. But still, you would think something would have come out of it. And I guess a little did. Everyday is a new positive step compared to two weeks ago. But I just thought it would happen quicker. UGh! I just want to scream! But thanks for the reinforcement. Much appreciated.

You need someone like my friends; people who support what you are doing and will help you see it through. I have a couple of people that I can call or text at just about any time to blow off steam (or cry if needed).

As many people have said here, you're not running a sprint, you're running a marathon. Pace yourself -- time and patience are your main weapons. In SmileysPerson's awesome thread about his attempts to bust his divorce, he said this:

Because I'd forgotten, you see, the Real Point of Divorce Busting. It isn't to Rebuild Your Marriage.

It's to Stop The Divorce.

What do I mean by that? The reason we do this whole thing is, in a very real sense, to turn back the clock to the minute before Walkaway drops the Bomb. Yes, it's to improve the stuff that led up to that minute, but the outcome of successful DB'ing isn't a renewed marriage -- it's the opportunity to renew the marriage.

In that respect, every time you give him reason to rethink what he's doing, you win. Every day that goes by with no progress towards a divorce is another small victory.

I don't feel like I made any boundaries, just because he didn't actually ask me to sleep in the bed. I didn't actually have to say anything other than just go upstairs. That's what I meant about the boundary thing. If he had asked then maybe. But until then I don't feel like any boundaries where made. But I also have a feeling there will be no more asking.

If there is no more asking, then you should be fine. If there is, then it's time to set the boundary. The important thing about the boundary is that it's about your feelings (not his behavior) and that you're requesting him to honor your feelings -- but with some kind of penalty if he doesn't. Like, if he keeps trying to get into your pants after you set the boundary, maybe he doesn't get to sleep at the house any more.