Detachment

[TrentC]

Yes, she told me this 2 weeks ago. I told her I agreed last week, started making plans, told her I cannot see or talk to her until the D, unless its important. Talking or seeing her only moves me backwards.

It's great that you see that.

Thats the problem, she has so much resentment towards me, anger, hate, that she says she is broken, can never love me again. Ive tried many times to not talk about the past or the R, but she brings it up each time.

Then change the subject. If she challenges you on the things you've done to hurt her, validate those feelings without necessarily agreeing with them. That may take the wind out of her sails.

She really wants to fast track the D... The way she is handling this separation, I feel she will killing any chance that we could have any kind of relationship...

Divorces still take time. She can file tomorrow, but it doesn't change where you are now.

Ive been making good progress detaching. I still love my W, but I feel my W is gone, she is another person now.

If you can detach, then it will make forgiving her easier down the road (should you desire to do so). If you can stop rising to her provocative comments and change her thinking about you, then you give her a reason to rethink things.

Which is why 180's are so important. Is there anything that she's told you she hates about you/the relationship that you can work on? Not for her sake necessarily, but for whatever relationship you may have in the future.

So many people are telling me she is doing me a favor, maybe its true...

It's not for me to say. We'll be here to support you however to choose to handle this.

Just remember that you have power in this also; if you decide that it's not worth the effort to keep her, then it sounds like getting her out of your life will be easy.

That can be a useful last-resort technique -- giving in and pushing towards the divorce may upset her thinking; why, all of a sudden, are you so eager to get rid of her?

However, be warned that a LRT cannot be a bluff. You have to be OK with the outcome if she decides to keep going. If you're not, and she realizes it, then you've lost whatever leverage you have left to change things.