#66 Looking for Susnhine...

[AliSuddenly]

Hi K! Sounds like you had another nice(ish!) weekend as a family then. Hey, how are the kids doing with H being in the house so much now? And you two, 'snuggling'? I can just see your son grinning about that!

I have to confess something: if I would let myself go, I would literaly FORGET the whole thing. I could treat it as a parenthesis. Or at least I think I could.

... thats funny, thats what I did. I thought it was a bit ridicuilous to 'let him off' so easily, the way he walked out, the leading-me-up-the-garden-path all last year, to go NC and start dating someone and not even tell me etc etc...but I did. I understand how you feel you could just let it go and almost forget (almost).

The problem is, I dont allow myself to forget and forgive. I make sure I am always alert and sometimes even, I put myself in the position of the victim and enjoy the drama. I know I should not trust him and I dont, but often, he does look like the person I fell in love with. I MAKE SURE I am guarded constantly reminding myself, last time I was completely naive and trusting and "look where it got you stupid!!!"... I feel I am not allowed to even consider trusting him.

.. well its only natural your protection mechanisms would spring into action, but why not allow yourself to take the gaurd down a little? I suppose you've told him you may need to see his phone/emails at times or for him to freely use these things in front of you, for a while, until you feel you are no longer wondering and watching with suspicion?
xxx