I think there is also a big difference between "abandoning" someone, and stepping back enough to allow you and your kids enough room to be able to live your lives too.
Limbo is a broad zone ranging from putting your life completely on hold to being able to have a good life while your H does the work he needs to on him.
Each cycle is him working on a new part of his issues, so it is progress, we just have no idea of the length of his tunnel.
Thanks guys. At least I know now that when I feel down/frustrated/done I know it will pass. I am feeling pretty good today, actually more of those "conquer the world" kind of feelings, at least now, so I am going to channel that energy to see how far I can actually get on my very long list of things to accomplish before the kids come home from school.
SR, I hope that each time he cycles he is processing some. I sometimes remind myself that while this may take a very long time, every day is a day closer to . . . well, who really knows but it is another day through. I do have hope he will not be stuck forever.
I know what you mean about being weary. I call it emotionally drained.
I have been reading all of the posts by rollercoasterrider. It has taken a big chunk out of my weekend, but they are so insightful. She was on here several years ago, and now can be found in the MLC archives. She also has her own website now. Through everything she has written, it has cemented the fact that I know H is a MLCer. From everything he has said, to everything he has done.
It is sort of amazing when you really start to see it all.
We are still waiting for you to join us over here. LOL
TF,
Other than exhausted from the beginning of the holiday run, how are you doing?
Remember to keep stepping each day honey. Now is a great time to do it too with the holidays coming up. Start a new tradition, find some joy. Some glorious magic in the season.
Google Snowflake Bentley. Then maybe check and see if your library has the book about him. A very interesting story about the snowflakes and how each and every one is different. It was something that intrigued my S when he was little like your kids. The wonders of nature and the magic of the season.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Haven't seen you around much lately! I am doing okay. I have had a rough couple of weeks up and down and not sure why really. I have seen a lot of positives from H but for some reason it isn't making me feel better - maybe because I know I can't expect anything soon. Or maybe I am afraid the other shoe will drop. Or maybe I am just not detached enough at this point and my expectations need to be reset at zero. I am cautiously optimistic that he will come out of the fog sometime, though. We shall see.
BUT yesterday and today I am better.
I will look up the snowflake stuff. I am trying to think of new traditions to create with the kids. They are very much tied to tradition so that may be good. The thing is, last Christmas was still three months pre-bomb but my H had detached so much already. He was very disengaged with all we were doing. He honestly now seems more invested and interacts more with the kids than he did then. That is one area that has improved so much for which I am grateful for their sakes. It is still all on his terms and I am trying to leave it that way and not push anything at all. The kids don't expect anything from him it seems like.
So for this Christmas - new tradition or two, maybe suspend some of the old for now, and trying to keep my expectations for H as close to zero as I possibly can.
I am doing okay. Lots of ups and downs but that goes with the territory I guess.