Not Me...Ever part 2

[sam_oc]

It goes against my beliefs as well as what I feel God wants me to do...

Seren, being Catholic, I too have a srong belief that God wants me to fight for my marriage. I can choose the easy way and throw in the towel, but, I choose to fight--even though my heart will be laid bare for the whippin. You have chose to do this too. I admire that.

[Gardener]

I have such a long way to go. Reminds me of the Robert Frost poem: "and miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep". Sigh.

Even tougher when almost every night feels like "...the darkest evening of the year."

[TrentC]

She even talked about me needing a haircut so that I can get ready to date again. Ouch! Did she really mean that? I know the rule is not to believe anything they say, but why is that?

Because despite what they say, they are not yet 100% committed to leaving you. So they say things to reassure themselves that this is a positive thing (or to goad you into reacting in such a way that it validates their decision):

* "You'll bounce back after the D is final"
* "I love you but I'm not in love with you" (A favorite!)
* "The D will be hard on the kids but they'll adjust"
* "The kids wouldn't want us to be together but unhappy"

They are still conflicted, which is why "getting a life" and 180s can work -- they have a mental image of the life and the person they are leaving. If you change that mental image, it throws them off.

[ClingingToHope]

And yeah, even in the week or so I've been here, seeing new people come in every day makes me feel like an emotional trauma surgeon.

Yes. I've only been on a few weeks more than you and I feel like a veteran. It's interesting watching people evolve the way I've had to ... and then read the threads that have been going on for three years and realize I still have a ways to go.

[TrentC]

Yes. I've only been on a few weeks more than you and I feel like a veteran. It's interesting watching people evolve the way I've had to ... and then read the threads that have been going on for three years and realize I still have a ways to go.

It's one of the reasons why so many of us start throwing out "What 180s are you doing? Have you dropped the rope? What about getting a life?" to new people as they come on -- it's kinda like triage.

I'm also beginning to understand why people take breaks from the site for a few days; some people's stories are so painful, or close to our own, or frustrating to read, that it starts sucking our own energy away.

[ClingingToHope]

I'm also beginning to understand why people take breaks from the site for a few days; some people's stories are so painful, or close to our own, or frustrating to read, that it starts sucking our own energy away.

In my case, it's the other way around. My W seems so determined to D that I'd get depressed reading the threads where the WAS shows some indecision.

I so want a second chance. I can't believe it's ... just ... over.

But I'm doing better marching on.

[mlj]

Serenity ~

(((HUGS)))
I am so sorry to hear about what you found on your last expedition.

When will we ever learn...
We go along for awhile gaining our strength, then it hits us...
Mmmm... I wonder what he has been up to lately, I wonder who he has been with, is he still with ow.
Then POW! We get knocked back down, and wished we had never done that. It's our wanting to know that gets us. We think maybe things are cooling off then we get curious and go off to find some evidence.

The other day, I got curious and checked out the Harley. It is a touring bike with lots of compartments. I found a bag of stuff he brought back from a bike rally with the agenda inside it. It was the weekend he said he was house sitting for someone. He has no trouble lieing to me. I was actually thinking about doing something nice for him, since he was supposedly doing something nice for someone else.
MLCer's lie. I need to remember that.
I think it's on page 1 of their script!

I have been reading all posts by rollercoasterrider. She can be found in the MLC archives. She also has her own website. The things she has to say is right on. I, without a doubt, now know H is in MLC. She has so much valuable advice.
Reading them took up a lot of my weekend, but it was well worth it.

Keep looking up!
MJ

[sam_oc]

* "You'll bounce back after the D is final"
* "I love you but I'm not in love with you" (A favorite!)
* "The D will be hard on the kids but they'll adjust"
* "The kids wouldn't want us to be together but unhappy"

So, to detach, I should have answered that it was a good idea to get a haircut so that I can start bettering myself to look presentable cuz you never know who you'll meet?

(sorry Seren, don't mean to hijack your thread)

[TrentC]

So, to detach, I should have answered that it was a good idea to get a haircut so that I can start bettering myself to look presentable cuz you never know who you'll meet?

Well, you could have simply agreed and said something like "I've been thinking of changing things up a little."

She can think whatever she wants about why, but maybe a new 'do on you might get her thinking. Especially if it comes with a wardrobe transformation, getting in shape, etc.

[Serenity13]

Journaling~

Just spent about 3 hours on 2 phone calls with H...

The first ended badly with him hanging up on me (he says he didn't, he had to get back to work)...

The conversation started out just fine until he informed me he was moving his banking to the town he lives in - Which for some reason set me the hell off the charts...

I have my own account and we also share an account - His paycheck goes into our account and I take basically half (for now until the courts say otherwise)...

By moving his account I would then have to "ask" him for any money concerning the boys...

That to me is unfair and I stated as such...

From that point on, it went downhill with me calling (actually I was yelling) the fat troll almost every name in the book as well as letting him know how I feel about his lack of concern and parenting to our sons...

He stated he hadn't changed his mind, still wanted a divorce and he was now going to Church - That floored me so I told him that I was glad he was going back to Church (regardless of the skank sitting next to him) and that I hoped God would help him find what he was looking for...

I informed him his son had been arrested which he in turn got pissed about because it was 2 weeks ago...

I told him I had handled it however he may be getting a call from the public defender so I wanted him to know what it was about...

Said he had talked to our son before school started about what he needs to do, how he needed to act etc...

I in turn said "Talking to him and being there for him (regardless of us right now) are two different things."

I said I don't appreciate him never calling our little one and how he has yet to see him since July...

He played the "Kids are resiliant" card with me so I in turn said "You weren't"...

He said what do you mean - I said you are just like your damn Father (who walked out on his Mom and his siblings when he was 5)...

What you did was no better then what he did - He in turn informs me that he was good for 36 years before the damage kicked in WTF?

In his mind he can divorce me and be saved, forgiven, baptized and then go to Heaven to which I explained it doesn't work like that...

He said what do you mean? I said you have to repent your sins - He said I asked for forgiveness to which I replied yet you are still living in sin - Repenting means changing your ways from a life of sin...

He says well then I can't do that to which then I called him a hypocrite...

I said you are using the Bible and twisting it to justify what you are doing...

He said he doesn't want to be married to anyone ever again...

He doesn't owe me an explanation as to why nor did he at the time he stuck his junk in someone else...

He said he would come get the boys on Sunday and take them to his place to which I said - Not gonna happen - You will not parade your flavor of the month around our sons...

You don't want to married, fine, file however I will have my attorney put it in writing that any OW are not to be introduced to the boys on a continuous basis because you can't decide who gets your d**k tonight. He hung up right after that...

About 10 minutes later I get another phone call...

After apologizing for hanging up, he then informs me (concerning his feelings)that "anything could change tomorrow" and then talked as if we didn't just have the previous conversation and he ended it with I love you...

Now I am spent emotionally, I feel like I have gone 5 rounds with Mike Tyson...

Talking to him is like having a simultaneous conversation with 10 different people...

I feel like I just effed up royally and backslid so far I will never paddle out of this one and I don't even know where to begin...

Up until now I have neutralized "her" and never make mention of her in any of our conversations...

Today I threatened her with bodily harm if I ever see her out and about...Told him I would beat her down to within an inch of her life for f*****g my H and F*****g up my family...

I thought I was above this...

I have no words of wisdom for anyone today and I am sorry.