Band aid? I am not sure what you are talking about Kathleen...
Thought stopping: not working. Trying to control my obssessions. Not working.
stbxH pretended nothing was going on. We talked and he acted a bit overeager to talk to me. Sounds like he had forgotten about me... We spent the weekend together. Attended a social thing he was invited to as a family, introduced to me everybody etc etc
I told him I didnt appreciate the way our talk went the other night. I told him he needs to lose his defensiveness so that I can move on. He was more accepting and said he understands.
I made a comment about sex. Or better, the lack of the desire for sex. I made a joke "have you burnt out LM, because if you have then I should know, not going to settle with left overs?" He smiled and said no. "LM is out of touch due to lack of action"... That ticked me off and told him "dont give me that!!".We overcame that moment and continued to our "normal ops".
This is VERY hard. I keep wondering what am I getting myself into? Am I about to agree to settle in a comfortable but full with resentment relationship? K
Just because you are willing to try again, doesn't mean you are settling for anything.
There is nothing that says you have to stay the course w/out ever changing if you start to try to repair your M. If you continue to try, that is great!
If it gets to a point where H isn't doing what is needed and/or you are not feeling like it will work out, then you can end it at that time.
You are not nor ever will be stuck somewhere w/out your permission. Only you can let yourself be stuck. Only you can let yourself settle. You have a lot of power and choice here. A lot.
SP said on his thread that anger and resentment are the worst toxics that sabotage any kind of hope for a good relationship with our WAS (or something similar). I couldnt agree more. K
Hey K! Resentment is a big, big hurdle to get over. I think it is healthier for you (regardless of your M) to find a way to work through it so it doesn't consume you. Of course, that is way easier said than done.
You used to talk about closing circles...maybe you can close some circles on that anger/resentment as time goes on? So that when those feelings rise up, they can be a little less intense gradually, over time? Kind of like waves, after the high tide they keep coming, but smaller and smaller ones? Maybe I am not making sense, the time change has me a little out of sorts!
Take care of yourself always...I am going to go get my nails done today. Have you done that lately?? Trying to come up with a fun color...
This is VERY hard. I keep wondering what am I getting myself into? Am I about to agree to settle in a comfortable but full with resentment relationship?
I agree totally Piecing is very hard. It is the hardest part in this whole mess. Most LBS can't imagine how hard it will be. I know I didn't, even when I read about it on here. But we are the lucky few that have the opportunity to actually attempt R. Many on here would love to be in our position. I'm finding the resentment is very hard to get past when so many things seem to be a trigger.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
...and many piecers end up back here within a short period of time.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I have to confess something: if I would let myself go, I would literaly FORGET the whole thing. I could treat it as a parenthesis. Or at least I think I could. The problem is, I dont allow myself to forget and forgive. I make sure I am always alert and sometimes even, I put myself in the position of the victim and enjoy the drama. I know I should not trust him and I dont, but often, he does look like the person I fell in love with. I MAKE SURE I am guarded constantly reminding myself, last time I was completely naive and trusting and "look where it got you stupid!!!"... I feel I am not allowed to even consider trusting him. K
I feel I am not allowed to even consider trusting him.
Allowed? Only you can decide to trust and only you can let go of the resentment. How you go about that......I have no idea!!!! Your H can't do it for you. He can't even 'make' you trust him again. You will have to let your defenses down some in order to give this any true chance of working. It's hard, especially after you have had to build up such a thick skin because of all the hurt. Try to just be a little vulnerable and not so 'superwoman' any more.
Good luck K! I'm rooting for you. If anyone here can do this, I have faith that you can!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
