Not Me...Ever part 2

[TrentC]

She even talked about me needing a haircut so that I can get ready to date again. Ouch! Did she really mean that? I know the rule is not to believe anything they say, but why is that?

Because despite what they say, they are not yet 100% committed to leaving you. So they say things to reassure themselves that this is a positive thing (or to goad you into reacting in such a way that it validates their decision):

* "You'll bounce back after the D is final"
* "I love you but I'm not in love with you" (A favorite!)
* "The D will be hard on the kids but they'll adjust"
* "The kids wouldn't want us to be together but unhappy"

They are still conflicted, which is why "getting a life" and 180s can work -- they have a mental image of the life and the person they are leaving. If you change that mental image, it throws them off.