Am I at this stage?

[TrentC]

Well, I officially failed. I failed at making boundaries. I dunno, there is too much hope in me to make these stupid boundaries!

There's nothing wrong with having hope. You'll eventually figure out how to make these boundaries stick.

I'm a wreck. We had an awesome day yesterday with the kids. It was so much fun. We got along great. He called me "babe", which is something he always used to do. He flirts with me like crazy. We went trick or treating to my sis's house and she has this poster on her wall of jerry seinfeld and Chris made a comment that he wanted it for "our" house. All these friggen comments and mixed signals are driving me crazy!

I know. We all know. It's definitely frustrating.

We were driving around trick or treating and since a month and a half ago we were in the middle of building a house we always comment on house colors. Well yesterday he was making comments on house colors like it nothing has happened! I am soooo confused! We then went and got take out and put the kids to bed and ate our food and watched the hockey game.

Well, see, this could be a positive step then. If he's talking about "our" house and house colors, then maybe he is thinking about your house as "our" house again.

But the trick is not to get your hopes up. It'll take detachment, which is something I am finally beginning to get the hang of. We had a good day yesterday, and this morning felt like old times -- we joked and teased a little. And yes, I am hopeful, but I can't hang too much on it because she could (and likely will) pull back after a good day, and I don't want to have my hopes dashed.

You could tell he was sooo tired. He kept commenting on going to bed cause he's so tired. But just wouldn't! He complimented me probably like 5 times yesterday. Compliments on my body, hair everything!

If you want to tweak his chain, do what aflowergurlie has been doing; dress attractively and just take his compliments as no different than coming from, say, me.

We hung out and watched t.v till like 1am. He finally said "I reaally need to go to bed" So he got up and said goodnight and went to the spare room" He called me in a few minutes later, so I went to the doorway and he asked me if it feels weird to me too sleeping in different beds and being in the same house. I said of course! It bothers me to no end. And he agreed and said it bothers him too. But that was it! So I said goodnight and he replied. And I went to bed.

See, that wasn't bad. You let him know that you want to have things be different, but you didn't indulge him or let yourself get swept away. It's not the same as setting a boundary, but it has the same effect. If he'd pushed the issue, that would have been the perfect time to lay down the law.

I take our progress positively. But there is only so much I can take. Its so hard when he's here, and complimenting me, and called me "babe", I just want to grab him and hold him. Sometimes I feel like he tries to provoke me to say something. Like he's waiting for me to ask what is happening with us. He'll sit there and look at me and I don't say anything and he looks kind of frustrated. But I'm waiting for HIM to say something!

That's when you make an excuse to go into the other room. Maybe check on the boys or something. You might've gotten him to open up at that point.

I dunno. I'm a pile of nerves today, and frustrations, and tears. I haven't cried in over a week, and I can't quit crying. I just want my husband home full time in MY bed. Not the spare. Also, when I went to bed last night. Our 3 year old was in my bed and he was sleeping completely horizontally, so I kind of pushed him over and climbed in. I knew H wasn't sleeping yet so I text him from upstairs how he's lucky where he's sleeping cause he doesn't have to deal with kicks to the face from S. But he had his phone on silent and didn't get it. This morning he commented that he got the text this morning and asked me why I didn't come sleep with him if S was taking up the whole bed?

Try: "Aw, it wasn't really that big of a deal. He's having trouble sleeping because he's trying to deal with this the best he can." Then let it drop.

I didn't really have an answer. Its like he wants me so bad, but won't admit to it! I hate it!

Well, keep in mind that you may be right: he does want you, badly. So your goal is to make him understand that he can have you, when he's willing to work on the R. No more cake-eating.